Post by Rockinmuffin on Apr 5, 2007 22:13:20 GMT -5
Disclaimer: If I owned “Naruto” then the first thing I would do is change the name to “Kisame” and base it all on the adventures of the Akatsuki. And I wouldn’t let people make up fifty billion fillers that weren’t part of the manga. D:
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“Hurry up, Kisa-kun! Hurry up!” you called from in front of Kisame’s house, waving your arms back and forth excitedly. Well, at least you had enough decency to wait for Kisame before you burst through his home.
Kisame rolled his eyes, continuing on at the same leisurely pace. He wanted to prolong this moment for as long as he could. He could only imagine the horrors that would occur once you met his parents.
Kisame was positive that someone was going to be murdered tonight; he just wasn’t sure who.
“Kiiiiiiiiiiisa-kuuuuuuuuun” you whined, bouncing up and down in your excitement. “Hurry your big, blue butt up!”
Kisame frowned. He wasn’t blue; he had more of a grayish skin tone. He was sick of people calling him blue. Blueberries are blue. The sky is blue. The underwear he was currently wearing was blue. Kisame was not blue.
And his butt was a perfectly good size. He was just born big-boned.
Kisame made a mental note to give himself more time to train and work out.
Kisame let out an exasperated sigh as he reached the front door of his house. He reached to open the door; he stopped suddenly, turning to you with a serious face. “What you witness today might shock and disturb you. Stay quiet and keep your eyes and your limbs to yourself. Follow these rules and you might survive.”
“…” You blinked. “…Okay. Kisa-kun, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?”
Kisame didn’t think he was overreacting one bit. In fact, if anything he was under-reacting, but he couldn’t be, because under-reacting wasn’t really a word.
Kisame’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Just… Stay close to me.”
You quirked an eyebrow at Kisame, but shrugged your shoulders and obeyed nonetheless. If he wanted to have a moment of weirdness then you would allow him to have it. Actually, it was quite refreshing to see Kisame acting odd for a change. It made him seem more… human. Not that you thought of him as anything inhuman.
It was nice to see a different side of him.
Slowly, carefully, Kisame opened the door to his home by a crack and peeked inside. He looked left, then right, then left again. Excellent; the coast was clear.
Kisame stepped inside, pulling you in with him. Perhaps, if he was lucky, his parents would be off on some important assassination mission and wouldn’t come home for a week or two. Maybe by then you would forget all about meeting his parents.
“Kisame! I’m glad you’re home! I baked cookies for-”
You locked eyes with the tall, dark-haired, pale-skinned woman. Her chocolate brown eyes looked you up and down curiously. You responded by tilting your head to the side.
“…Who’s this?” the woman asked, gesturing towards you.
Kisame frowned. “Just a friend from school, Mom.”
“A… friend?” Mrs. Hoshigaki stared at the two of you with wide eyes. “You… made a friend?”
Kisame rolled his eyes. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t make any friends; he just preferred peace and quiet over the company of others. Other people annoyed him. In fact, you annoyed him. A lot. However, every time he thought of some way to get rid of you, he would chicken out at the last moment.
He preferred to be alone, but sometimes it was nice to have a friend.
Mrs. Hoshigaki smiled down at you and her son, absolutely beaming with happiness. “It’s nice to meet one of Kisame’s friends.”
You smiled back at the kind woman. “It’s nice to meet Kisa-kun’s mother” you replied.
“So…” Kisame’s mother started, giving you a sly look. “Would you like to see Kisame’s baby pictures?”
“Mom!” Kisame’s face heated up as his mother pulled out a collection of pictures from within her kimono. Why did she feel the need to carry around pictures of him when he was just a little guppy? Kisame came to the conclusion that mothers are pure evil.
“Here’s a picture of Kisame taking his first steps, and here he is taking his first bite of solid food” Kisame’s mother squealed as she shared some pictures with you. “Here’s Kisame taking a bubble bath, Kisame snuggling with his stuffed dolphin Mr. Flippers, and Kisame using the big boy potty for the first time!”
“MOM!”
You giggled at Kisame’s expression. The boy’s entire face had turned a lovely shade of violet. Well, you came to the conclusion that either Kisame was choking on the air or when you mix a red blush with blue skin you get purple.
Hooray. You pass Kindergarten.
“What’s all this racket?”
You stared, wide-eyed, at the large figure that entered the room. Small, beady eyes stared down at you incredulously; sharp teeth formed into a sneer.
Despite looking straight into the eyes of this large, dangerous-looking man, before you could stop yourself, the first thing that came out of your mouth was, “I knew your dad was the shark!”
Kisame guffawed.
His mother gaped.
And his father laughed.
As Kisame watched his father hold his sides as he let out a rumbling chuckle, he briefly wondered how you were still alive.
You blinked, then smiled up at the laughing man. Apparently you made a very good first impression with Kisame’s parents. Score! Now you’d be able to come over for dinner all the time and not suffer through your mother’s sorry excuse for a meal. You grinned at the thought, then turned your attention back to the embarrassing pictures of Kisame when he was a baby. After all, who knows when you might need some blackmail material?
Meanwhile, Kisame stared on, his right eye twitching ever-so-lightly.
“So…” Mr. Hoshigaki drawled, nudging his son in the side with his elbow. “Is she your, you know…” he trailed off, holding his pinky up in the air.(1)
Kisame had somehow finally managed to will his blush away. “No” he answered his father with a straight face. “She’s just a girl from school.”
“Of course, of course” the larger man said, completely ignoring his son. “So, when are you going to ask her out?”
“…Never.”
“You know, in a few years she’ll probably be very pretty…”
“…” Kisame frowned at his father with narrowed eyes. “You’re not listening to a word I’m saying.”
“…Is it just me, or did your mother gain some weight?”
Yup. Kisame was definitely being ignored. He didn’t mind too much; maybe if he was lucky then he would be able to slink away unnoticed, sit down in a dark corner, and slit his wrists. Or perhaps he’d be able to escape into the forest and live the rest of his days being raised by a pack of wolves.
“You simply must stay for dinner!” Kisame’s mother exclaimed, giving your cheek a loving pinch. You nodded your head, ignoring the stinging pain in your cheek if it meant you’d get a good, home-cooked meal.
Before you or Kisame knew it, the two of you were ushered into the dining room and seated at a small, round table. Kisame sat across from you and his parents sat on either side of you.
“So,” Kisame’s mother drawled as she scooped some strange-looking, gray blob onto your plate, “What do you think of Kisame?” The woman glanced at you slyly as she set your plate back in front of you.
Kisame slumped down in his seat. The boy had finally come to the conclusion that his antisocial personality and strange looks weren’t the reason why he didn’t have any friends. His parents just scared everyone off. Being raised by a pack of wolves was looking really inviting right about then…
Meanwhile, you were curiously poking at the gray blob on your plate with a fork. Was this really better than your mother’s cooking? Probably. At least this… this… whatever-it-was wasn’t still moving. Like when your mother tried to cook up some lobster…
You still had pinch-marks on your bottom from that ordeal.
“Well,” you started as you gave the blob another poke, “Kisa-kun is pretty nice to be around, even though he acts like a butt-munch. Also, he’s blue and that’s one of my favorite colors.” You cautiously took a bite of the gray blob, your eyes widening in surprise. It was actually pretty good. It tasted sort of like banana pudding covered in salt.
…Hey, don’t diss it ‘til you try it!
“Plus,” remembering your manners, you quickly swallowed the food in your mouth, then continued, “Kisa-kun was my first kiss.” Of course, you failed to mention that this so-called first kiss was just you forcing Kisame to kiss your boo-boo to make it better.
“That’s my boy!” Mr. Hoshigaki gave a sharp-toothed grin while nudging Kisame in the side with his elbow.
“DAD!”
“So… if you were to marry our son, how many children would you have?” Kisame’s father asked.
If Kisame hadn’t been so mature for his age, he would’ve slammed his head against the dining room table repetitively for about an hour or so. But he was mature, so he settled for poking around at his own blob of gray, salty, banana pudding thingy.
“Well, I’d like to have two children; one girl and one boy” you answered with a smile.
“That’s a good plan, but if you have more than two children then you have more chances of getting both a boy and a girl” Mrs. Hoshigaki said with a cheery smile to hide her evil, baby-loving intent. “I say you have eight children, just in case.”
You stared up at the woman with wide eyes. “That is… a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that?!”
The rest of the dinner conversation carried on this way. You had a wonderful conversation with Kisame’s parents about planning your future wedding. Kisame had a lovely time ignoring the three of you in favor of trying to figure out exactly what he was eating. He had little success.
Before you knew it, dinner was finished and you were already heading home. Kisame was walking you to your house, because his mother threatened to take away his Gameboy if he didn’t.
“Your parents are nice” you mentioned absentmindedly as you walked towards your home, glancing towards Kisame with a smile. “I don’t know why you were so worried about me meeting them.”
Kisame chose to not even dignify that with a response.
“You’ll have to come to my house for dinner one day and meet my parents.”
Kisame twitched lightly. He would rather not meet your parents. He doubted that they would be nearly as accepting to him as you were. While children in the village disliked him, the adults absolutely despised him. He wasn’t entirely sure why, though he knew it had to do with his monstrous appearance. The villagers probably thought he would eat their children or something along those lines. A ridiculous notion, though Kisame couldn’t deny that he hadn’t thought about it from time to time when dealing with some of the more annoying children of the village.
“Don’t worry; I won’t let my mom cook” you reassured him, mistaking his twitch of discomfort for fear of eating your mother’s cooking. “We’ll just order takeout or something.”
Kisame just nodded his head, ignoring you. It was cold and he just wanted to go back home, curl up in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bed sheets, and play his Gameboy in peace.
You smiled softly. “Goodnight, Kisa-kun.” You stood on your tiptoes and gave Kisame a chaste kiss on the cheek before running up to your front porch and opening the door. “See you tomorrow!” you called as you shut the door behind you.
In your haste to get inside, you failed to notice the forced frown on Kisame’s face as his cheeks turned a purple hue.
He didn’t feel so cold anymore.
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(1) In Japan, sticking your pinky out means you’re talking about someone’s girlfriend. Sticking your thumb out means you’re talking about someone’s boyfriend. There. You learned something. Possibly.
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“Hurry up, Kisa-kun! Hurry up!” you called from in front of Kisame’s house, waving your arms back and forth excitedly. Well, at least you had enough decency to wait for Kisame before you burst through his home.
Kisame rolled his eyes, continuing on at the same leisurely pace. He wanted to prolong this moment for as long as he could. He could only imagine the horrors that would occur once you met his parents.
Kisame was positive that someone was going to be murdered tonight; he just wasn’t sure who.
“Kiiiiiiiiiiisa-kuuuuuuuuun” you whined, bouncing up and down in your excitement. “Hurry your big, blue butt up!”
Kisame frowned. He wasn’t blue; he had more of a grayish skin tone. He was sick of people calling him blue. Blueberries are blue. The sky is blue. The underwear he was currently wearing was blue. Kisame was not blue.
And his butt was a perfectly good size. He was just born big-boned.
Kisame made a mental note to give himself more time to train and work out.
Kisame let out an exasperated sigh as he reached the front door of his house. He reached to open the door; he stopped suddenly, turning to you with a serious face. “What you witness today might shock and disturb you. Stay quiet and keep your eyes and your limbs to yourself. Follow these rules and you might survive.”
“…” You blinked. “…Okay. Kisa-kun, don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?”
Kisame didn’t think he was overreacting one bit. In fact, if anything he was under-reacting, but he couldn’t be, because under-reacting wasn’t really a word.
Kisame’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Just… Stay close to me.”
You quirked an eyebrow at Kisame, but shrugged your shoulders and obeyed nonetheless. If he wanted to have a moment of weirdness then you would allow him to have it. Actually, it was quite refreshing to see Kisame acting odd for a change. It made him seem more… human. Not that you thought of him as anything inhuman.
It was nice to see a different side of him.
Slowly, carefully, Kisame opened the door to his home by a crack and peeked inside. He looked left, then right, then left again. Excellent; the coast was clear.
Kisame stepped inside, pulling you in with him. Perhaps, if he was lucky, his parents would be off on some important assassination mission and wouldn’t come home for a week or two. Maybe by then you would forget all about meeting his parents.
“Kisame! I’m glad you’re home! I baked cookies for-”
You locked eyes with the tall, dark-haired, pale-skinned woman. Her chocolate brown eyes looked you up and down curiously. You responded by tilting your head to the side.
“…Who’s this?” the woman asked, gesturing towards you.
Kisame frowned. “Just a friend from school, Mom.”
“A… friend?” Mrs. Hoshigaki stared at the two of you with wide eyes. “You… made a friend?”
Kisame rolled his eyes. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t make any friends; he just preferred peace and quiet over the company of others. Other people annoyed him. In fact, you annoyed him. A lot. However, every time he thought of some way to get rid of you, he would chicken out at the last moment.
He preferred to be alone, but sometimes it was nice to have a friend.
Mrs. Hoshigaki smiled down at you and her son, absolutely beaming with happiness. “It’s nice to meet one of Kisame’s friends.”
You smiled back at the kind woman. “It’s nice to meet Kisa-kun’s mother” you replied.
“So…” Kisame’s mother started, giving you a sly look. “Would you like to see Kisame’s baby pictures?”
“Mom!” Kisame’s face heated up as his mother pulled out a collection of pictures from within her kimono. Why did she feel the need to carry around pictures of him when he was just a little guppy? Kisame came to the conclusion that mothers are pure evil.
“Here’s a picture of Kisame taking his first steps, and here he is taking his first bite of solid food” Kisame’s mother squealed as she shared some pictures with you. “Here’s Kisame taking a bubble bath, Kisame snuggling with his stuffed dolphin Mr. Flippers, and Kisame using the big boy potty for the first time!”
“MOM!”
You giggled at Kisame’s expression. The boy’s entire face had turned a lovely shade of violet. Well, you came to the conclusion that either Kisame was choking on the air or when you mix a red blush with blue skin you get purple.
Hooray. You pass Kindergarten.
“What’s all this racket?”
You stared, wide-eyed, at the large figure that entered the room. Small, beady eyes stared down at you incredulously; sharp teeth formed into a sneer.
Despite looking straight into the eyes of this large, dangerous-looking man, before you could stop yourself, the first thing that came out of your mouth was, “I knew your dad was the shark!”
Kisame guffawed.
His mother gaped.
And his father laughed.
As Kisame watched his father hold his sides as he let out a rumbling chuckle, he briefly wondered how you were still alive.
You blinked, then smiled up at the laughing man. Apparently you made a very good first impression with Kisame’s parents. Score! Now you’d be able to come over for dinner all the time and not suffer through your mother’s sorry excuse for a meal. You grinned at the thought, then turned your attention back to the embarrassing pictures of Kisame when he was a baby. After all, who knows when you might need some blackmail material?
Meanwhile, Kisame stared on, his right eye twitching ever-so-lightly.
“So…” Mr. Hoshigaki drawled, nudging his son in the side with his elbow. “Is she your, you know…” he trailed off, holding his pinky up in the air.(1)
Kisame had somehow finally managed to will his blush away. “No” he answered his father with a straight face. “She’s just a girl from school.”
“Of course, of course” the larger man said, completely ignoring his son. “So, when are you going to ask her out?”
“…Never.”
“You know, in a few years she’ll probably be very pretty…”
“…” Kisame frowned at his father with narrowed eyes. “You’re not listening to a word I’m saying.”
“…Is it just me, or did your mother gain some weight?”
Yup. Kisame was definitely being ignored. He didn’t mind too much; maybe if he was lucky then he would be able to slink away unnoticed, sit down in a dark corner, and slit his wrists. Or perhaps he’d be able to escape into the forest and live the rest of his days being raised by a pack of wolves.
“You simply must stay for dinner!” Kisame’s mother exclaimed, giving your cheek a loving pinch. You nodded your head, ignoring the stinging pain in your cheek if it meant you’d get a good, home-cooked meal.
Before you or Kisame knew it, the two of you were ushered into the dining room and seated at a small, round table. Kisame sat across from you and his parents sat on either side of you.
“So,” Kisame’s mother drawled as she scooped some strange-looking, gray blob onto your plate, “What do you think of Kisame?” The woman glanced at you slyly as she set your plate back in front of you.
Kisame slumped down in his seat. The boy had finally come to the conclusion that his antisocial personality and strange looks weren’t the reason why he didn’t have any friends. His parents just scared everyone off. Being raised by a pack of wolves was looking really inviting right about then…
Meanwhile, you were curiously poking at the gray blob on your plate with a fork. Was this really better than your mother’s cooking? Probably. At least this… this… whatever-it-was wasn’t still moving. Like when your mother tried to cook up some lobster…
You still had pinch-marks on your bottom from that ordeal.
“Well,” you started as you gave the blob another poke, “Kisa-kun is pretty nice to be around, even though he acts like a butt-munch. Also, he’s blue and that’s one of my favorite colors.” You cautiously took a bite of the gray blob, your eyes widening in surprise. It was actually pretty good. It tasted sort of like banana pudding covered in salt.
…Hey, don’t diss it ‘til you try it!
“Plus,” remembering your manners, you quickly swallowed the food in your mouth, then continued, “Kisa-kun was my first kiss.” Of course, you failed to mention that this so-called first kiss was just you forcing Kisame to kiss your boo-boo to make it better.
“That’s my boy!” Mr. Hoshigaki gave a sharp-toothed grin while nudging Kisame in the side with his elbow.
“DAD!”
“So… if you were to marry our son, how many children would you have?” Kisame’s father asked.
If Kisame hadn’t been so mature for his age, he would’ve slammed his head against the dining room table repetitively for about an hour or so. But he was mature, so he settled for poking around at his own blob of gray, salty, banana pudding thingy.
“Well, I’d like to have two children; one girl and one boy” you answered with a smile.
“That’s a good plan, but if you have more than two children then you have more chances of getting both a boy and a girl” Mrs. Hoshigaki said with a cheery smile to hide her evil, baby-loving intent. “I say you have eight children, just in case.”
You stared up at the woman with wide eyes. “That is… a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that?!”
The rest of the dinner conversation carried on this way. You had a wonderful conversation with Kisame’s parents about planning your future wedding. Kisame had a lovely time ignoring the three of you in favor of trying to figure out exactly what he was eating. He had little success.
Before you knew it, dinner was finished and you were already heading home. Kisame was walking you to your house, because his mother threatened to take away his Gameboy if he didn’t.
“Your parents are nice” you mentioned absentmindedly as you walked towards your home, glancing towards Kisame with a smile. “I don’t know why you were so worried about me meeting them.”
Kisame chose to not even dignify that with a response.
“You’ll have to come to my house for dinner one day and meet my parents.”
Kisame twitched lightly. He would rather not meet your parents. He doubted that they would be nearly as accepting to him as you were. While children in the village disliked him, the adults absolutely despised him. He wasn’t entirely sure why, though he knew it had to do with his monstrous appearance. The villagers probably thought he would eat their children or something along those lines. A ridiculous notion, though Kisame couldn’t deny that he hadn’t thought about it from time to time when dealing with some of the more annoying children of the village.
“Don’t worry; I won’t let my mom cook” you reassured him, mistaking his twitch of discomfort for fear of eating your mother’s cooking. “We’ll just order takeout or something.”
Kisame just nodded his head, ignoring you. It was cold and he just wanted to go back home, curl up in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bed sheets, and play his Gameboy in peace.
You smiled softly. “Goodnight, Kisa-kun.” You stood on your tiptoes and gave Kisame a chaste kiss on the cheek before running up to your front porch and opening the door. “See you tomorrow!” you called as you shut the door behind you.
In your haste to get inside, you failed to notice the forced frown on Kisame’s face as his cheeks turned a purple hue.
He didn’t feel so cold anymore.
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(1) In Japan, sticking your pinky out means you’re talking about someone’s girlfriend. Sticking your thumb out means you’re talking about someone’s boyfriend. There. You learned something. Possibly.
Ever notice how the word "therapist" is just "the" and "rapist" put together? Think about it. 