Post by lostandtorn616 on May 28, 2007 20:15:50 GMT -5
Disclaimer: Do I look like the sort of person who makes over five million dollars a year in the anime/manga-selling business to you? No, I’m certain that I don’t; last I checked I was just a poor lass who has an unhealthy obsession with a psychopathic, mass-murdering pre-teen.
Gaara: *Glares*
But that doesn’t mean I can help myself; look at him, he’s precious!
Gaara: *Smirks*
Now if my memory serves me, in the previous chapter, Maria-chan was doomed to an eternity of excessive youthfulness at the hands of Might Guy (the manipulative tree-hugging a-hole) and Rock Lee. What horrors will befall our beloved and corrupted Mia this time? Read to find out!
Note: Some people may find this chapter to be insulting, especially for those who may be deeply immersed in their religious faith. I assure you that I mean no harm; I am merely trying, and most likely failing, to spread some good festive humor. Forgive me if you do end up feeling a little disturbed or disgusted. Again, I apologize sincerely.
2nd Note: No, I don’t own two of the OCs whom will be making their very first appearance in this chapter; they are the sole property of Maria-chan.
Therefore I cannot claim ownership of them, but she’s so graciously given me her thorough permission to use them (and I’m very appreciated and deeply thankful). I do own two of my OCs, only one of which will be appearing alongside Maria’s up until a certain point.
So you cannot, I repeat, cannot, claim ownership of them; I have the paperworks that legally (and mentally) bind me to them! *Waves a stack of papers in the air menacingly*
“Talking”
Thinking to oneself
Zachariah to Maria
Damian to Maria
Emphasis
Shouting
-Whispering-
Writing
Still Maria’s P.O.V.
They say that before death comes a-knock-knocking on your door, you see this bright white light at the end of a long dark tunnel, supposedly. People believe it to be the Golden Gates of Heaven, but I’m not so easily fooled; I know it’s simply a facade parents tell their kids to trick them into thinking that death isn’t painful, but peaceful and agony-free.
Those poor, poor little snot-nosed punks. How I pity them; their rambunctious hearts are swayed into the light of good while the adults are snickering behind their backs and giving each other high-fives. Don’t they know that it’s not His Holiness who awaits beyond those gates, but it’s God’s evil twin brother who underwent an experiment gone haywire, and his mother was too cheap to afford to bribe the little Devil burrowing down in the fiery pits of Hell to take him under his diabolical wing, and teach him the rights and wrongs of his ass-prodding-with-a-trident kind?
I know your intent far too well, you demoralizing ass-wipe. Such deceit will not sway my mind however strange and vile it may already be, although I’m amazed at your underhanded misdeeds; you wish to tow us all down into your burning bowels as an attempt to not overthrow humankind, but to turn us into submissive little bitch-weens and man-whores because you lost your manly ego ages ago, and therefore have no logical reason to wish to corrupt Earth.
You should leave that to your humanoid incarnates; they’re far more experienced in the trickery of slave labor and sadism.
Following my random spurt of meaningless thoughts and musing was a pain-staking, never-ending journey in pursuit of my Gym class, though the ‘never-ending journey’ part would be a half-assed lie; it only took me about five minutes, and I was using the signs as a guideline, not that they really helped me much; it’s not like I could read them.
Thank the real God for numbers. Numbers, how I despise them so; it’s bad enough that Mathematics has letters in it, why did they have to include numbers too? When I dominate the world with hot sauce and gummy worms, and Kisame swimming in all his fishy glory inside the fishbowl I’ve purchased for him by my side, they will be the second to face my wrath. I shall laugh maniacally as they squeal and beg me for mercy while they burn in the shiny fire! Mwahahahaha!
Yes. It is possible to rule the world with hot sauce and gummy worms and a shark-dude swimming around in a fishbowl. Don’t question my authority.
Ever.
Finally, much to my utter dismay and terror, I stood before the giant double-doors serving as the entrance to the gymnasium. I know I haven’t been the most decent person who’s ever walked this Earth, but I solemnly swear that if I survive the oncoming vigorous battle unscathed, I will sculpt several clay molds of whomever is watching over me up there in his or her honor.
I gripped the metal bar and gently pushed it, silently beaming in appreciation that the hinges didn’t give off so much as an ominous creak in favor of announcing my early-bird arrival, risking being caught and tormented for the entire sixty minutes which followed as I poked my head in, scoping for any possible threats before my presence was made known; I grinned, feeling proud that not only was I the first to arrive, but also there appeared to be no one else in sight.
Perhaps that little thing known as fate would be kind to me today.
Maybe, just maybe, I would be given a few moments of blissful silence.
Seconds tick-tocked by. Ten to be exact. The 24-hour clock’s migraine-inducing hands were practically screaming: ‘I’m not really a clock you pathetic moron, but I’m a bomb constructed by pedophile-maru bent solely for the purpose of blasting your puny little behind sky-high, then I’ll gladly count down the seconds before that cannibal Zetsu comes and devours your bloody carcass that will be his substance’.
“Maria!” I felt a weight easing down unmercifully down on my body as someone’s arms (more than likely a female, judging by how slim they felt) locked around my waist; a few locks of dark brown hair cascaded down onto my face, tickling my cheekbones and getting in the way of my eyes; the person’s genuinely giddy grin only grew in size seeing my confused and shocked expression, dark brown eyes gleaming with a cheerful light.
“How was your weekend? I heard from Hitomi that Hoshigaki did a number on you again, but I guess that’s evident because you’re coated in chocolate and all; you look more like a smore sandwich than a girl suffering from unnatural insanity. So, other than you wanting to get revenge on the giant shark-man, how are you Maria?”
The left side of my face twitched so severely it caused a few bangs of my hair to bounce across my forehead.
Speaking of bloody... there’s a bloody nuisance who won’t let go of me right now...
I sighed. “Tenten, let go of me. Now.”
She frowned, her dark brown eyes glinting mischievously as the malignant glower suddenly took on a more positive light when a wide smile broke out on her face for a second time, but she did pry herself away from me, grinning all the while. “Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning; your Mom didn’t accidentally move your bed over to an open window so that when you woke up, you’d fall face-first in a pile of thorn bushes, did she?”
“...Tenten, have you been digesting ten pounds of sugary sweets before school again?”
Her eyes shifted back and forth in a suspicious manner. “Maybe...”
My right eyelid twitched. Great, she’s probably gone and eaten fifty family-sized packets of pure, refined sugar. Again. Isn’t this just an awesome day you’re having so far, Maria dear? You’re only a sophomore and you’ve befriended a platoon of girls who tend to suffer from Yaoi obsession, depression and/or Bipolar disorder, hot-tempered personalities, the dreaded and contagious disease known as Uchiha-mania, and end up being corrupted because of our retarded and perverse comments, conversations and thoughts for almost two years. And, speaking of girls who have yet to be corrupted...
“Where’s Hinata?”
“R-right here, M-Maria-san.”
“HINATA!” I squealed in a chibified delight hearing the familiar soft-spoken, angelic voice had nearly set my pants on fire, my eyes widening like a weasel doped up on every drug tested on humans and animals seeing the surprised, and mildly frightened, lilac-white irises staring back at me, her lips gaping open as they curved to a small ‘O’. Awww, Hinata looks so huggable when she’s looking at you like that! Wait... Can a friend’s voice set one’s drawers on fire? Hmmm... Ponder I shall when I get home, yesh I will.
I ignored that little nagging voice in my head whispering that virtually the entire Gym class believed me to be a girl-raping, sodomizing wench, but I chose to remain blissfully unaware of the platoon of wide-eyed stares and obscene gestures tossed my way (for the moment; then I would act upon vengeful impulses and set their pants aflame. Why? Because fire’s cool; everyone loves the shiny fire!) in favor of hugging her like Tenten had done to me; only it was more loose and less rib-crushing than hers, but Hinata didn’t seem to mind.
In fact, she looked secretly glad that she hadn’t been the one who was just on the receiving end of our friend’s infamous “bear hugs”, as she dubbed them. I winced as my lower torso throbbed lightly in pain when I gingerly pressed my hand to it. Tenten needs to stop brawling with Rock Lee from now on. As a matter of fact and accusation, in which I will shamefully prod my index finger in her general direction when nobody’s looking, I forbid her from fighting with that bowl-headed, spandex-wearing, Might-Guy-stalking boy ever again!
That’s right, you heard me correctly. Friends can forbade each other from doing illegal activities. I just don’t want anyone outside of Toy Corner knowing that Tenten’s fellow girlfriends had to bail her out of yet another sticky situation. Again. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAP EVERY DAY!?
...Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s because normies scare the living daylights out of me, except for the fact that “living daylights” is humanely impossible; because if it wasn’t logically impossible, the lighting fixtures on the ceiling would’ve developed a mind of their own by now, slid down the wall and strangled me to death.
Must you be so paranoid?
I frowned, then busied myself like a bee by brushing off imaginary specks of dust off my clothes, putting on a cheerful smile while Tenten stared at me in confusion and Hinata gave me one of her many ‘Um, are you okay, Maria?’ looks while flushing a bit and twiddling her thumbs; swirls of color danced before my eyes as my surroundings grew hazy, feeling them glaze over as a familiar smooth, masculine voice echoed in my head, sounding very concerned for my well-being.
Zachariah, you’ve resided in my head for, how long has it been, almost a year now? You know I’m more cautious than paranoid.
Hm. That remains to be seen. I hope you don’t go and get yourself into trouble again. I also hope you don’t cause any distractions or disturbances today, especially at this ungodly hour in the morning; you don’t want your mother on your case, screaming on about how she had to pick you up from a strange location. Again.
I know, Zachariah, I know! Jeez! You’re almost as bad as my mom! Do I look like the kind of student who slacks off, picks fights with bigger and stronger people, goes off on her own and travels into creepy, dark, dank and unknown places? Do I LOOK like I’m incoherent and embarrass myself all the time? Do I appear as if I strut about like an over-sized pigeon with its eyes compressed shut? And most importantly, do I look stupid to you?
...
...Okay fine, don’t answer that.
Speaking of not answering things, there IS a reason I’m communicating to you now.[/u]
Other than to lecture me on what I should and should not do? Wow Zachariah, what’s the occasion? Have you finally discovered that you’ve grown a third appendage?
First of all, I’m certain men can only grow TWO appendages; second of all, you’re sixteen Maria, your mind shouldn’t be this vulgar and corrupted until you’re at least twenty; and third of all, have you heard from or seen Damian?
Damian? What, he hasn’t been dissing you again, has he? I blinked, temporarily snapping myself out of my dream-like state of mind; a missing Damian usually implied that he was up to no good, as I learned from past experiences. Sometimes I hate having that little bugger around. Sometimes.
I heard Zachariah give a mental sigh, sounding very distressed as he spoke with a tinge of worry in his voice. No, he hasn’t, thankfully, but...
But what?
I think he might be up to his old mischievous behavior again.[/u]
...With who?
Must you ask? You know with whom.[/u]
...You mean... I felt Zachariah mentally wince as I gave an internal squeal of delight, barely restraining myself from clasping my hands together while bouncing up and down in front of my friends. Is it Bates!? Please tell me it’s Bates!
Do you know any other non-corporeal being who defied the laws of physics besides Damian and myself and obtained a physical form? Honestly, I don’t know what you see in him or that one who torments you constantly, Maria.[/u]
...Bates is sexy, Zachariah. And so is Kisame.
So you’ve told me. Every day. Shouldn’t you tend to more important matters rather than admire those no-good sadists? You know, like seeing what your friend, Hinata, is asking you?
...What?
I looked down and, sure enough, saw Hinata pulling timidly on my not-so-drenched-in-chocolate-frosting sleeve as her eyes shyly fluttered up to meet mine, that were mildly confused, mind you; then, slowly, they drifted towards the floor and staring in deep thought on her sandaled feet before gazing up back to me.
Truths must be told: Hinata looks more like an eight year-old child than a sixteen year-old right now.
“Um, Maria, Gai-sensai is starting n-now.” Wow, she only stuttered once; it’s a new record! I should jot this down in my handy-dandy notebook!
Our spandex-wearing, bowl-shaped-head-that-gleamed-like-shiny-fire-even-with-no-source-of-light sensai jumped down from the glass banister which served as the barrier for the basketball hoops, his sandaled feet striking the gymnasium floor that had red, blue, white, and green streaks of long-since-dry painted lines criss-crossing the polished wooden surface; a split millisecond after he did this, he struck a dramatic pose as his teeth sparkled under the sickly florescent lights humming monotonously over our heads.
Hmm... Ya know, sometimes I can’t help but pity this overgrown baby for his amateur misdeeds, especially his rivalry with Kakashi-sensai; whenever he sees him the idiot demands some sort of competition, anything from sprinting in and out of the school over five hundred times to ramen-eating. I pity the poor woman who wants to marry him.
Makes you feel sorry for the miserable woman who gave birth to him, doesn’t it?
YOU! Where the hell have you been, you foul-mouthed, ill-mannered little twit of a demon!?
Not that it concerns you or that bastard angel, Zachariah, but the preparations are complete.
Preparations? What preparations?
Damian, you didn’t commit adultery on one of the faculty members and/or students before breaking into the chemistry lab, stealing all the flammable materials and chemicals, and setting the principal’s office on fire again, did you?
What! How can you accuse me like that, Zachariah! I’ll have you know that it wasn’t ‘adultery’ I committed, but pure, consensual-
I think you shouldn’t disrupt Maria from her learning time with your perverse comments on your... leisure time, Damian.
You’re absolutely right, Zachariah; I can wait until she’s home to do that.
DAMIAN!
What! It’s not like you’d be able to do anything about it, right? A little pansy like you would only end up traumatizing Maria in her already demented head than it is now, am I right?
...Anyway, what did you mean when you said ‘the preparations are complete’?
Damian laughed maniacally, and then ‘spoke’ in a deathly serious voice. I can’t indulge you two on what Bates and I’ve done.
Hopefully not nearly killing someone who looked at any of Maria’s friends, or herself, the wrong way. Again.
Drastic times call for drastic measures. But that’s not the point. The point is that you should kindly shut up, you idiot, and let me finish; then you can bitch and whine and moan like a pregnant woman. I’ll give you a piece of advice, Zachariah: Be sure Maria isn’t sitting anywhere near the Royal Corner table in the cafeteria at lunch.
Why? Zachariah’s tone was hesitant, perhaps even... scared.
So sorry, but I can’t tell. I’m under oath and all that. Maybe Bates will tell you. Maybe. That is if he’s feeling generous.
And that’s a very big if.
Where is Bates anyway?
He’s around here somewheres. Oh, would you look at the time? I have to see to... a few things, make sure everything is functioning properly, as it should be. Later weirdos!
And with that, Damian was gone. ...Dude, that little asshole called ME a weirdo! I’d understand and feel obligated to laugh at Zachariah if he dubbed him to be weird; Zachariah, I know you’re listening to my thoughts right now because you’re a nosy, yet concerned, angel who can’t mind his own busy-body-ness half the time, but he called me a weirdo too!
Me, a weirdo! Me, of all people! Can you believe that? I mean, really, the nerve of him! Of all the rotten, mean, underhanded things to say to a girl, a girl whose body he formerly occupied no less; why that ungrateful little bastard! When I get home, I shall set all of Damian’s pornographic DVDs, magazines, and his subscriptions to Loveless on fire! That’ll teach him! Mwahahahaha!
On the other hand I couldn’t help but feel glad, and yet there was a part of me that felt sad, like a kid excluded from a very fun game and the bigger kids wouldn’t let him/her join in. That really pisses me off sometimes; kids are supposed to be innocent and let other kids in on secrets, share their goodies, and plot to blow up a stink bomb in their teacher’s face.
It’s times like these I actually miss having him occupying my head. Makes it feel less cramped and more entertaining in the membrane, wouldn’t you say?
Yes? No? Maybe so?
What’s that? Are you distracted by the littlest thing, you ask? Ha! Yeah right! Like I’m that dense! I can assure you that I’m not so easily impressed!
Ooooh! I never noticed how many cracks the floor has before!
...Don’t give me that look! I know you’d see these kinds of things if you went and amused yourself from time to time on a regulated basis too!
Oh come on, people! Don’t tell me you’ve never wasted a moment of your valuable time by noticing trivial things like how damaged your school is, and therefore is in desperate need of repair and a good Spring cleaning to boot!
Of course, this is coming from a girl who used to be possessed by two voices that should have never been brought into existence in the beginning, not that it bears any sort of relevance to the learning foundation needing some sprucing up here and there and everywhere; even in places that students didn’t know was there.
And that, my dear reading friend, who may turn out to be my mortal enemy and would-be stalker-freak, came from the same girl who hangs around with a crowd of girls who are more insane than her, or close runner-ups.
“Alright my band of students! Time to get those scrawny bodies into tip-top shape!” Gai bellowed, teeth twinkling like a diamond in the sky. I sweat-dropped. Feh. I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that he will NEVER get laid. If he does, then I shall pray to His Holiness that the woman he knocks up has enough sense to get an abortion; if not, she’ll end up raising the dumbest children known to mankind. Pfft. Gai-sensai, you’re such a loser, though funny you are.
...And I really like doughnuts. A lot.
“Come, come! Show me the power of your youth! Get into your spandex outfits and prove to me how vast and bountiful you all are! Stalling is not allowed!”
“YOSH! Gai-sensai, you are wise! If I cannot climb the rope and complete the obstacle course in under two minutes, then I shall do six hundred push-ups!” Lee proclaimed, flashing a goofy smile as he gave our sensai the thumbs up.
Well, what an awkward moment we are having.
...
...
...
...Was I doing anything of importance?
“Maria, hurry it up, you slacker!” Tenten shouted, tossing me a horridly-shaded spandex outfit; I gave it a look so hateful and disgusted, it would’ve caught flame and died a thousand times before I even tossed it to the ground.
Time for me to suck it up and take it like a man! ...Er, wait, last I checked I was a girl, right? Um, girly-man? Boyly-girl? ...Sod this! I’m gonna shut my yapper, head on to the GIRL’S changing room and get into this revolting outfit!
In a few seconds flat, the revolving door was right in front of me. All I had to do was reach for the metal bar and push my way to momentarily salvation.
Such a simple task a three year-old could accomplish it, yes?
Well, it normally isn’t a complicated chore, but it becomes difficult when someone’s arms wrap around your waist and pull you backwards.
So close to my freedom.
So close to my would-be salvation.
So close to my small room of solace.
So close, but not close enough.
...
Whoever has their arms wrapped around me better let go of me before I kick them in the nuts!
Gaara: *Glares*
But that doesn’t mean I can help myself; look at him, he’s precious!
Gaara: *Smirks*
Now if my memory serves me, in the previous chapter, Maria-chan was doomed to an eternity of excessive youthfulness at the hands of Might Guy (the manipulative tree-hugging a-hole) and Rock Lee. What horrors will befall our beloved and corrupted Mia this time? Read to find out!
Note: Some people may find this chapter to be insulting, especially for those who may be deeply immersed in their religious faith. I assure you that I mean no harm; I am merely trying, and most likely failing, to spread some good festive humor. Forgive me if you do end up feeling a little disturbed or disgusted. Again, I apologize sincerely.
2nd Note: No, I don’t own two of the OCs whom will be making their very first appearance in this chapter; they are the sole property of Maria-chan.
Therefore I cannot claim ownership of them, but she’s so graciously given me her thorough permission to use them (and I’m very appreciated and deeply thankful). I do own two of my OCs, only one of which will be appearing alongside Maria’s up until a certain point.
So you cannot, I repeat, cannot, claim ownership of them; I have the paperworks that legally (and mentally) bind me to them! *Waves a stack of papers in the air menacingly*
“Talking”
Thinking to oneself
Zachariah to Maria
Damian to Maria
Emphasis
Shouting
-Whispering-
Writing
Still Maria’s P.O.V.
They say that before death comes a-knock-knocking on your door, you see this bright white light at the end of a long dark tunnel, supposedly. People believe it to be the Golden Gates of Heaven, but I’m not so easily fooled; I know it’s simply a facade parents tell their kids to trick them into thinking that death isn’t painful, but peaceful and agony-free.
Those poor, poor little snot-nosed punks. How I pity them; their rambunctious hearts are swayed into the light of good while the adults are snickering behind their backs and giving each other high-fives. Don’t they know that it’s not His Holiness who awaits beyond those gates, but it’s God’s evil twin brother who underwent an experiment gone haywire, and his mother was too cheap to afford to bribe the little Devil burrowing down in the fiery pits of Hell to take him under his diabolical wing, and teach him the rights and wrongs of his ass-prodding-with-a-trident kind?
I know your intent far too well, you demoralizing ass-wipe. Such deceit will not sway my mind however strange and vile it may already be, although I’m amazed at your underhanded misdeeds; you wish to tow us all down into your burning bowels as an attempt to not overthrow humankind, but to turn us into submissive little bitch-weens and man-whores because you lost your manly ego ages ago, and therefore have no logical reason to wish to corrupt Earth.
You should leave that to your humanoid incarnates; they’re far more experienced in the trickery of slave labor and sadism.
Following my random spurt of meaningless thoughts and musing was a pain-staking, never-ending journey in pursuit of my Gym class, though the ‘never-ending journey’ part would be a half-assed lie; it only took me about five minutes, and I was using the signs as a guideline, not that they really helped me much; it’s not like I could read them.
Thank the real God for numbers. Numbers, how I despise them so; it’s bad enough that Mathematics has letters in it, why did they have to include numbers too? When I dominate the world with hot sauce and gummy worms, and Kisame swimming in all his fishy glory inside the fishbowl I’ve purchased for him by my side, they will be the second to face my wrath. I shall laugh maniacally as they squeal and beg me for mercy while they burn in the shiny fire! Mwahahahaha!
Yes. It is possible to rule the world with hot sauce and gummy worms and a shark-dude swimming around in a fishbowl. Don’t question my authority.
Ever.
Finally, much to my utter dismay and terror, I stood before the giant double-doors serving as the entrance to the gymnasium. I know I haven’t been the most decent person who’s ever walked this Earth, but I solemnly swear that if I survive the oncoming vigorous battle unscathed, I will sculpt several clay molds of whomever is watching over me up there in his or her honor.
I gripped the metal bar and gently pushed it, silently beaming in appreciation that the hinges didn’t give off so much as an ominous creak in favor of announcing my early-bird arrival, risking being caught and tormented for the entire sixty minutes which followed as I poked my head in, scoping for any possible threats before my presence was made known; I grinned, feeling proud that not only was I the first to arrive, but also there appeared to be no one else in sight.
Perhaps that little thing known as fate would be kind to me today.
Maybe, just maybe, I would be given a few moments of blissful silence.
Seconds tick-tocked by. Ten to be exact. The 24-hour clock’s migraine-inducing hands were practically screaming: ‘I’m not really a clock you pathetic moron, but I’m a bomb constructed by pedophile-maru bent solely for the purpose of blasting your puny little behind sky-high, then I’ll gladly count down the seconds before that cannibal Zetsu comes and devours your bloody carcass that will be his substance’.
“Maria!” I felt a weight easing down unmercifully down on my body as someone’s arms (more than likely a female, judging by how slim they felt) locked around my waist; a few locks of dark brown hair cascaded down onto my face, tickling my cheekbones and getting in the way of my eyes; the person’s genuinely giddy grin only grew in size seeing my confused and shocked expression, dark brown eyes gleaming with a cheerful light.
“How was your weekend? I heard from Hitomi that Hoshigaki did a number on you again, but I guess that’s evident because you’re coated in chocolate and all; you look more like a smore sandwich than a girl suffering from unnatural insanity. So, other than you wanting to get revenge on the giant shark-man, how are you Maria?”
The left side of my face twitched so severely it caused a few bangs of my hair to bounce across my forehead.
Speaking of bloody... there’s a bloody nuisance who won’t let go of me right now...
I sighed. “Tenten, let go of me. Now.”
She frowned, her dark brown eyes glinting mischievously as the malignant glower suddenly took on a more positive light when a wide smile broke out on her face for a second time, but she did pry herself away from me, grinning all the while. “Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning; your Mom didn’t accidentally move your bed over to an open window so that when you woke up, you’d fall face-first in a pile of thorn bushes, did she?”
“...Tenten, have you been digesting ten pounds of sugary sweets before school again?”
Her eyes shifted back and forth in a suspicious manner. “Maybe...”
My right eyelid twitched. Great, she’s probably gone and eaten fifty family-sized packets of pure, refined sugar. Again. Isn’t this just an awesome day you’re having so far, Maria dear? You’re only a sophomore and you’ve befriended a platoon of girls who tend to suffer from Yaoi obsession, depression and/or Bipolar disorder, hot-tempered personalities, the dreaded and contagious disease known as Uchiha-mania, and end up being corrupted because of our retarded and perverse comments, conversations and thoughts for almost two years. And, speaking of girls who have yet to be corrupted...
“Where’s Hinata?”
“R-right here, M-Maria-san.”
“HINATA!” I squealed in a chibified delight hearing the familiar soft-spoken, angelic voice had nearly set my pants on fire, my eyes widening like a weasel doped up on every drug tested on humans and animals seeing the surprised, and mildly frightened, lilac-white irises staring back at me, her lips gaping open as they curved to a small ‘O’. Awww, Hinata looks so huggable when she’s looking at you like that! Wait... Can a friend’s voice set one’s drawers on fire? Hmmm... Ponder I shall when I get home, yesh I will.
I ignored that little nagging voice in my head whispering that virtually the entire Gym class believed me to be a girl-raping, sodomizing wench, but I chose to remain blissfully unaware of the platoon of wide-eyed stares and obscene gestures tossed my way (for the moment; then I would act upon vengeful impulses and set their pants aflame. Why? Because fire’s cool; everyone loves the shiny fire!) in favor of hugging her like Tenten had done to me; only it was more loose and less rib-crushing than hers, but Hinata didn’t seem to mind.
In fact, she looked secretly glad that she hadn’t been the one who was just on the receiving end of our friend’s infamous “bear hugs”, as she dubbed them. I winced as my lower torso throbbed lightly in pain when I gingerly pressed my hand to it. Tenten needs to stop brawling with Rock Lee from now on. As a matter of fact and accusation, in which I will shamefully prod my index finger in her general direction when nobody’s looking, I forbid her from fighting with that bowl-headed, spandex-wearing, Might-Guy-stalking boy ever again!
That’s right, you heard me correctly. Friends can forbade each other from doing illegal activities. I just don’t want anyone outside of Toy Corner knowing that Tenten’s fellow girlfriends had to bail her out of yet another sticky situation. Again. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAP EVERY DAY!?
...Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s because normies scare the living daylights out of me, except for the fact that “living daylights” is humanely impossible; because if it wasn’t logically impossible, the lighting fixtures on the ceiling would’ve developed a mind of their own by now, slid down the wall and strangled me to death.
Must you be so paranoid?
I frowned, then busied myself like a bee by brushing off imaginary specks of dust off my clothes, putting on a cheerful smile while Tenten stared at me in confusion and Hinata gave me one of her many ‘Um, are you okay, Maria?’ looks while flushing a bit and twiddling her thumbs; swirls of color danced before my eyes as my surroundings grew hazy, feeling them glaze over as a familiar smooth, masculine voice echoed in my head, sounding very concerned for my well-being.
Zachariah, you’ve resided in my head for, how long has it been, almost a year now? You know I’m more cautious than paranoid.
Hm. That remains to be seen. I hope you don’t go and get yourself into trouble again. I also hope you don’t cause any distractions or disturbances today, especially at this ungodly hour in the morning; you don’t want your mother on your case, screaming on about how she had to pick you up from a strange location. Again.
I know, Zachariah, I know! Jeez! You’re almost as bad as my mom! Do I look like the kind of student who slacks off, picks fights with bigger and stronger people, goes off on her own and travels into creepy, dark, dank and unknown places? Do I LOOK like I’m incoherent and embarrass myself all the time? Do I appear as if I strut about like an over-sized pigeon with its eyes compressed shut? And most importantly, do I look stupid to you?
...
...Okay fine, don’t answer that.
Speaking of not answering things, there IS a reason I’m communicating to you now.[/u]
Other than to lecture me on what I should and should not do? Wow Zachariah, what’s the occasion? Have you finally discovered that you’ve grown a third appendage?
First of all, I’m certain men can only grow TWO appendages; second of all, you’re sixteen Maria, your mind shouldn’t be this vulgar and corrupted until you’re at least twenty; and third of all, have you heard from or seen Damian?
Damian? What, he hasn’t been dissing you again, has he? I blinked, temporarily snapping myself out of my dream-like state of mind; a missing Damian usually implied that he was up to no good, as I learned from past experiences. Sometimes I hate having that little bugger around. Sometimes.
I heard Zachariah give a mental sigh, sounding very distressed as he spoke with a tinge of worry in his voice. No, he hasn’t, thankfully, but...
But what?
I think he might be up to his old mischievous behavior again.[/u]
...With who?
Must you ask? You know with whom.[/u]
...You mean... I felt Zachariah mentally wince as I gave an internal squeal of delight, barely restraining myself from clasping my hands together while bouncing up and down in front of my friends. Is it Bates!? Please tell me it’s Bates!
Do you know any other non-corporeal being who defied the laws of physics besides Damian and myself and obtained a physical form? Honestly, I don’t know what you see in him or that one who torments you constantly, Maria.[/u]
...Bates is sexy, Zachariah. And so is Kisame.
So you’ve told me. Every day. Shouldn’t you tend to more important matters rather than admire those no-good sadists? You know, like seeing what your friend, Hinata, is asking you?
...What?
I looked down and, sure enough, saw Hinata pulling timidly on my not-so-drenched-in-chocolate-frosting sleeve as her eyes shyly fluttered up to meet mine, that were mildly confused, mind you; then, slowly, they drifted towards the floor and staring in deep thought on her sandaled feet before gazing up back to me.
Truths must be told: Hinata looks more like an eight year-old child than a sixteen year-old right now.
“Um, Maria, Gai-sensai is starting n-now.” Wow, she only stuttered once; it’s a new record! I should jot this down in my handy-dandy notebook!
Our spandex-wearing, bowl-shaped-head-that-gleamed-like-shiny-fire-even-with-no-source-of-light sensai jumped down from the glass banister which served as the barrier for the basketball hoops, his sandaled feet striking the gymnasium floor that had red, blue, white, and green streaks of long-since-dry painted lines criss-crossing the polished wooden surface; a split millisecond after he did this, he struck a dramatic pose as his teeth sparkled under the sickly florescent lights humming monotonously over our heads.
Hmm... Ya know, sometimes I can’t help but pity this overgrown baby for his amateur misdeeds, especially his rivalry with Kakashi-sensai; whenever he sees him the idiot demands some sort of competition, anything from sprinting in and out of the school over five hundred times to ramen-eating. I pity the poor woman who wants to marry him.
Makes you feel sorry for the miserable woman who gave birth to him, doesn’t it?
YOU! Where the hell have you been, you foul-mouthed, ill-mannered little twit of a demon!?
Not that it concerns you or that bastard angel, Zachariah, but the preparations are complete.
Preparations? What preparations?
Damian, you didn’t commit adultery on one of the faculty members and/or students before breaking into the chemistry lab, stealing all the flammable materials and chemicals, and setting the principal’s office on fire again, did you?
What! How can you accuse me like that, Zachariah! I’ll have you know that it wasn’t ‘adultery’ I committed, but pure, consensual-
I think you shouldn’t disrupt Maria from her learning time with your perverse comments on your... leisure time, Damian.
You’re absolutely right, Zachariah; I can wait until she’s home to do that.
DAMIAN!
What! It’s not like you’d be able to do anything about it, right? A little pansy like you would only end up traumatizing Maria in her already demented head than it is now, am I right?
...Anyway, what did you mean when you said ‘the preparations are complete’?
Damian laughed maniacally, and then ‘spoke’ in a deathly serious voice. I can’t indulge you two on what Bates and I’ve done.
Hopefully not nearly killing someone who looked at any of Maria’s friends, or herself, the wrong way. Again.
Drastic times call for drastic measures. But that’s not the point. The point is that you should kindly shut up, you idiot, and let me finish; then you can bitch and whine and moan like a pregnant woman. I’ll give you a piece of advice, Zachariah: Be sure Maria isn’t sitting anywhere near the Royal Corner table in the cafeteria at lunch.
Why? Zachariah’s tone was hesitant, perhaps even... scared.
So sorry, but I can’t tell. I’m under oath and all that. Maybe Bates will tell you. Maybe. That is if he’s feeling generous.
And that’s a very big if.
Where is Bates anyway?
He’s around here somewheres. Oh, would you look at the time? I have to see to... a few things, make sure everything is functioning properly, as it should be. Later weirdos!
And with that, Damian was gone. ...Dude, that little asshole called ME a weirdo! I’d understand and feel obligated to laugh at Zachariah if he dubbed him to be weird; Zachariah, I know you’re listening to my thoughts right now because you’re a nosy, yet concerned, angel who can’t mind his own busy-body-ness half the time, but he called me a weirdo too!
Me, a weirdo! Me, of all people! Can you believe that? I mean, really, the nerve of him! Of all the rotten, mean, underhanded things to say to a girl, a girl whose body he formerly occupied no less; why that ungrateful little bastard! When I get home, I shall set all of Damian’s pornographic DVDs, magazines, and his subscriptions to Loveless on fire! That’ll teach him! Mwahahahaha!
On the other hand I couldn’t help but feel glad, and yet there was a part of me that felt sad, like a kid excluded from a very fun game and the bigger kids wouldn’t let him/her join in. That really pisses me off sometimes; kids are supposed to be innocent and let other kids in on secrets, share their goodies, and plot to blow up a stink bomb in their teacher’s face.
It’s times like these I actually miss having him occupying my head. Makes it feel less cramped and more entertaining in the membrane, wouldn’t you say?
Yes? No? Maybe so?
What’s that? Are you distracted by the littlest thing, you ask? Ha! Yeah right! Like I’m that dense! I can assure you that I’m not so easily impressed!
Ooooh! I never noticed how many cracks the floor has before!
...Don’t give me that look! I know you’d see these kinds of things if you went and amused yourself from time to time on a regulated basis too!
Oh come on, people! Don’t tell me you’ve never wasted a moment of your valuable time by noticing trivial things like how damaged your school is, and therefore is in desperate need of repair and a good Spring cleaning to boot!
Of course, this is coming from a girl who used to be possessed by two voices that should have never been brought into existence in the beginning, not that it bears any sort of relevance to the learning foundation needing some sprucing up here and there and everywhere; even in places that students didn’t know was there.
And that, my dear reading friend, who may turn out to be my mortal enemy and would-be stalker-freak, came from the same girl who hangs around with a crowd of girls who are more insane than her, or close runner-ups.
“Alright my band of students! Time to get those scrawny bodies into tip-top shape!” Gai bellowed, teeth twinkling like a diamond in the sky. I sweat-dropped. Feh. I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that he will NEVER get laid. If he does, then I shall pray to His Holiness that the woman he knocks up has enough sense to get an abortion; if not, she’ll end up raising the dumbest children known to mankind. Pfft. Gai-sensai, you’re such a loser, though funny you are.
...And I really like doughnuts. A lot.
“Come, come! Show me the power of your youth! Get into your spandex outfits and prove to me how vast and bountiful you all are! Stalling is not allowed!”
“YOSH! Gai-sensai, you are wise! If I cannot climb the rope and complete the obstacle course in under two minutes, then I shall do six hundred push-ups!” Lee proclaimed, flashing a goofy smile as he gave our sensai the thumbs up.
Well, what an awkward moment we are having.
...
...
...
...Was I doing anything of importance?
“Maria, hurry it up, you slacker!” Tenten shouted, tossing me a horridly-shaded spandex outfit; I gave it a look so hateful and disgusted, it would’ve caught flame and died a thousand times before I even tossed it to the ground.
Time for me to suck it up and take it like a man! ...Er, wait, last I checked I was a girl, right? Um, girly-man? Boyly-girl? ...Sod this! I’m gonna shut my yapper, head on to the GIRL’S changing room and get into this revolting outfit!
In a few seconds flat, the revolving door was right in front of me. All I had to do was reach for the metal bar and push my way to momentarily salvation.
Such a simple task a three year-old could accomplish it, yes?
Well, it normally isn’t a complicated chore, but it becomes difficult when someone’s arms wrap around your waist and pull you backwards.
So close to my freedom.
So close to my would-be salvation.
So close to my small room of solace.
So close, but not close enough.
...
Whoever has their arms wrapped around me better let go of me before I kick them in the nuts!