Post by lostandtorn616 on Oct 22, 2006 12:22:50 GMT -5
(Warning: Contains blood, attempted suicide, murder and rape. But ONLY if you look hard enough for the last two!)
I stare back at the plain walls, blinding me with the radiating sheen of angelic brilliance of white that was plain yet innocent; simple yet heavenly; pure yet untouchable; clean yet defiled by my presence. Time doesn’t seem to matter here, in my cell-like room, barred from any hopes of contact from the outside, where I am visited only by the sympathetic young nurse who brings me medication; drugs that will make me better.
I used to know what freedom was, but not anymore; I am nothing short of a dangerous, vile, sadistic shell of flesh that had once been a shadow of my former self, an animal that had been locked away in a cage without any assurance to be set free. He always came to me in my dreams, whispering in my ear what an abomination I was, commenting on the invisible veil of Sin that always shielded my eyes from the Reality he saw; his Reality is a polar opposite of my Reality, he never understood why I didn't respond to his interrogation when he and I first met.
I had been not a day past the age of six, I had known nothing at the time, I didn’t comprehend the difference between what was right and what was wrong; I didn’t know what it felt like to have the very innocence and purity torn from your body, making you experience the most unbearable Pain imaginable.
As if with every beat your heart made the Pain only worsened.
“Why do you never fight back? You are my light and I am your darkness; the darkness can never resist the light for long, and the light can be swayed into the ways of darkness. So why do you not restrain me?”
“Because... the light fears as to what the darkness is truly capable of doing. Light cannot conquer the darkness, but the darkness cannot force the light to its full and utter submission. Light may be strong, but it is not sufficient to restrain or resist the darkness.”
He snorted hearing my timid response, yet he seemed somewhat amused, his unruly, demonic hair gleaming in the darkness that was to be my eternal nightmare, his lilac eyes lustre a faint unreadable light of emotion as he smirked. “True, my sweet little light may not be strong or resilient enough to restrain me for long, but you will soon become what I am. ‘What you are I was, what I am you will be’.” He quoted poetically.
“I will never be you; I cannot be you. Like you said, I am your light and you are my darkness.”
“So, you truly and honestly believe you will never become that which took three millenniums to create, do you? Foolish mortal, don't allow your naive beliefs and false optimism get the best of you; soon you'll realize you lost your humanity long ago, soon you will lose the shreds of your former self you still cling to so desperately. It is your fate, you are destined to become me; it has been foreseen since the day you were born.”
My birth... how I hated to be reminded by him that I, in a warped and malevolent way, still existed, that I still drifted endlessly and aimlessly through the cycle of life, my body aging but my soul never grew ridden with imaginary disease; it was never defiled with layer upon layer of the filth that took hold of my once-supposedly-redeemable innocence. Never did I stop to think that one day my pure soul would be taken and broken like a mirror by his hands, lying in many slithers in the back of my mind while he laughed at me.
Scorning me because I was weak. I was everything all of humanity hated and Feared. I was the Seven Deadly Sins wrapped in an ancient and carelessly wrapped package, I was hate bundled up in a fake protecting shield of love, the happy-go-lucky persona I presented to the world was just a lie I lived for several years so as not to cause my family to feel concerned for me.
He once told me that I was never meant to feel love or to be loved, that I held no true purpose in life and making me feel as low as the wet mud wedged between the blades of moist emerald green on a warm fallevening after a rainstorm. I was not meant to possess the normal lifestyle I could only fantasize of in my wildest dreams; in a way, he had been right when he mocked and scorned me for what I truly was, for what I had been hiding from all this time.
I had never existed, so why should one deny what they assured themselves of since their adolescent years? Why do many humans hide who they truly are behind false masks of security and self-comfort? Maybe they at one point had been like me, only they were fortunate enough to escape from their darkness; I hadn’t been so lucky.
He said that I was nothing but his reflection, a cursed abomination cast away from Lucifer's arms and sent into the mortal world to be shunned and ridiculed for the rest of its pathetic life, never knowing love and never experiencing it.
White symbolizes purity and innocence; the darkness cannot touch it. I wouldn’t resemble the likes of purity or innocence, but I would never become the personified model for the darkness; I was caught in between light and darkness, my soul shedding crystalline tears of sorrow and Pain, shaded an ugly color of gray from loss of innocence and hope for my salvation.
Sometimes, when he wasn’t around to temporarily brainwash me with lies and deceitful words of spite and hate, I would laugh in the darkness that filled and choked my tiny padded white-walled cell of mine, chuckling at how they could find good reason to lock me away in a small cell with white walls, leaving me here to rot in solitary confinement for the rest of my days while the nurses pleaded, and sometimes when I felt too stubborn to even want to take the medication, and forced me to do as I was told like an obedient child.
And I would. I would take the bitter pills into my mouth before drinking the tasteless water, silently urging my molars to crunch and grind the pill-like medication I was required to take into swallowable bits before gulping down the water that bore no foul aftertaste like the pills did.
I wasn’t at all like the others in this place: the hellish yet peaceful environment I find myself residing in for the past few months now. I never screamed out profanities at the top of my lungs, I never cursed some imaginary being for inflicting Painful memories upon my weary mind, I never relished in delightful accomplishments and recollections of murder and rape.
I am the light of the darkness, or so he claims; he told me that I was a menacing and dark being sent from the deepest and dankest pits of Hell itself, an impure soul that would never be washed clean of the dire Sins of the past; a curse sent to my family for the Sins my ancestors committed.
I am my ancestors Sin; I am my family’s Sin. When I was a child, he would sometimes tell me bedtime stories; tales of what he knew of our pasts’. I remember I would take immediate shelter under the blankets whenever his gory and terrifying stories grew too vile for my young mind to bear.
I remember him cackling like a madman inside the soft folds of my brain, he took Pleasure seeing me shivering in Fear, but he particularly enjoyed it more if I started to cry; the moment my tears of Pain, or any other negative emotion began to take its toll on me, dribbled down my pale cheeks in plain sight, and in moist streaks, he would start to laugh in a manner that would break the minds of ten thousand men.
He always told me that it brought him immeasurable joy seeing me shed my tears of sorrow, that witnessing me reveal my Pain to him made the darkness within the core of his non-existent heart grow even more powerful, more deadly, so I allowed him to have this tiny ounce of happiness that I gave him while I cried myself to sleep, my tears dampening the already-soaked pillow from when last I cried in his presence.
In the realm of dreams, thoughts of my own self-made utopia conjured of twilight colored skies and breezy fields of bluebells were instantly washed away when he entered the serene picture, transforming the most beautiful of dreams into the most horrendous of nightmares. Twilight colors were choked by the spell-binding darkness and the fields became ridden with the bodies of many fallen people, some young and some elderly, but seeing the macabre scenery didn’t disturb me as much as I had previously thought.
Just sensing he was near me only made my heart pound wildly in my chest, shreds of frantic musings that was my weak mind assuring me that he couldn’t do anything too terrible to me only made my panicked disposition to worsen dramatically, my frail body and spirit still bore the faintest hints of the last time he had brought serious harm upon me physically, mentally and emotionally; deep down inside, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold out for much longer, but there was a small spark of hope that he would no longer exist.
Of course he told me that my thoughts about banishing him into the pits of Oblivion was nothing but wishful thinking, that so long as I continued to exist then he too would go on living, and so long as light dwelled where darkness thrived, we would continue to exist; in the furthest corners of my mind, there had been a faint, but noticeable, voice crying out in joy after he told me those words.
It was the first time I had truly felt what love was and what it meant, but I felt as though I had been deceived by the very man who claimed to be my darkness; to love the darkness, he would have to love the light, but he wasn’t capable of loving anyone. He had never shown any signs of being able to love, or wanting to be loved; the only things he was truly meant to do was to inflict Pain and Suffering upon anyone who dared to defy him or threatened him upon Pain of Death.
I knew about the first time he had taken a life. Not an innocent life, but it was a life nonetheless.
I still remember how unclean I felt when I woke up and saw that persons blood staining the walls of my room, drenching the sheets lying crumpled on my bed and emitting a foul, undefinable stench that was possibly due to my body shivering from the sudden cold draft and the beads of fearful, frigid perspire trickling everywhere across my blood soaked, shivering, sweating body. I asked him why he did this and he replied in a matter-of-fact tone that the light existed just to serve whatever means the darkness desired; in his eyes, the only reason behind my existence was to justify his means.
I possessed no free will, I beheld no emotion in my eyes, soul or heart, I was merely an empty shell of flesh forced to comply to his sick ways; a solitary servant who was as apathetic as an angel that had fallen from God’s good graces.
He had told me that I had no heart, my soul lay bare in the palm of his hand, the supposed ‘spirit’ that he claimed to own from the moment he came to exist; he told me on many an occasion whenever I disobeyed, he reminded me of just what he was capable of doing to me.
“Why do you always shed your Pain from the core of your being by crying? Why do you not take it out on those who have harmed and humiliated you before I came to exist in your life? You are capable of being reborn into the darkness, but you insist that it won't do you any good if you so much as touch a single hair on your assailants. I could kill you in the most despicable ways many mortals can only dream of, yet you don't obey me; you don’t listen to my words. Am I not your darkness? Are you not my light? My precious, beautiful, light. My... servant.”
He cupped my chin in the palm of his hand while his long-deceased, demonic, captivating, lilac eyes probed deep into my own eyes, taking mute, yet great, pleasure in seeing that I was near to crying hysterically like I had done whenever he tried to have a civilized heart-to-heart conversation with me.
“I am your light and you are my darkness, yes... but... just because you threaten me with the Pain of Death does not mean I will simply bow down and heed your commands. I am not a simple mind servant who will be beckoned easily to your every whim and want. I still possess a heart, my soul still lies dormant within me... no matter how much you try to insist that it is not true, I am human.”
He laughed with crazed mirth hearing this. “Silly child. You still believe that you will be welcomed back into the light? But... this tells me differently. This... ‘heart’ and ‘soul’... you claim to own, along with whatever shredded remains of your previous humanity that still float aimlessly about within the soft folds of your brain, are nothing but whimsical and false imaginations your mind has placed upon you. You do not seek to discover your heart and your soul, you seek something else; something only I can provide to you. You never owned a heart. Never did you possess a soul. You’re just another hapless, soulless being born into a realm it was never meant to exist in.”
He finished his statement by placing his hand directly over my heart and my face slowly began to burn, whether or not he took notice of the shade of blood red soon taking form in my cheeks I don’t know, his eyes narrowed into feline-like slits feeling and hearing my heart pound erratically against the palm of his hand.
“If I do not possess a heart of my own, then tell me what is it that your hand feels? And... what is this?” I emphasized my statement by placing my hand on his chest over his own heart, feeling the same beat he surely felt, only his heartbeat was steady and calm, so unlike my own.
He sneered, and his Painful amused laughter resonated off the corners of my mind, his lilac eyes shining ominously in the darkness. “This so-called ‘heart’ you claim to have isn’t really a heart... your anger, hate, Pain, sorrow and Fear fuels the faint glimmer of darkness in the very core of your being. With every beat this ‘heart’ of yours makes, it only causes the darkness within you to strengthen and grow; you may not yet realize it, but soon the darkness will corrupt what remains of the light inside you. Soon you will lose all traces of your former self. Soon you won’t remember anything or anyone you may have cared about. All your childhood memories, your never-ending days as a schoolgirl, the Painful years of your adolescence... all this, and much more, will vanish.”
“You never answered my question. If I do not have a heart, and if the same bodes for you too, then tell me what is this my hand feels? What is causing this chromatic beat to pulsate beneath my hand?” I had asked him, raising my head slightly so I would be staring at him, and he would be staring back. The sardonic sneer gracing his tanned features shifted to a maniacal grin, his canines flashed like moonlit beams as the grin slowly stretched from ear to ear.
“My ‘heart’ only beats because of you. Your anger, hate, Pain, sorrow and Fear not only causes your darkness to grow, but also it empowers my own; because of this, it will eventually take its toll on your weary mind, sweet child of mine. Soon you’ll forget everything that you deemed pure and good, like rain washing away the Crimson Filth off a blood shedder’s hands.”
He ran his free hand through my hair and I shivered the moment his cold-as-Death touch caressed my vulnerable forehead, slowly dragging the edge of his feral, deadly talons across my temple and lightly impinging my frail cheekbone; I mentally flinched, but my face remained stoic, and the inhuman, warped grin etched into his face was still growing while his features became cadaverously distorted.
“What if I didn’t exist anymore? What would happen?”
“Darkness would no longer coexist with the light.”
“What if I were to die?”
“...”
He seemed taken aback by my question; his demonic grin faltered a bit, almost spiraling into a mildly disapproving frown, but he quickly regained his previous All-Knowing composure, the frown replaced by a more sinister sneer than before, temporary shock made way for the sadistic and deceased gleam his lilac eyes took on.
“Silly child. You ask a question you, yourself, already know the answer to: the darkness can never die. It has existed alongside with the light since Light and Darkness was created; with the strongest Light comes the deepest of Shadows. You know this better than any other mortal, you have witnessed what the darkness is capable of doing to the light; the drastic measures it will take to ensure it has the complete and utter submission of the light.”
I thought he was just lying, simply spreading his words of deceit in order to further plague my weary and torn mind, so as to continue send me falling into the deepest pits of despair and agony; this was an overbearing tactic he had developed and practiced with me many times over, and it had taken me well over six months to not cry or beg him to cease with his Mind Games. I had never truly believed anything he told me over these long thirteen years was the cold and unbearable truth of Reality, but I should have listened to my feminine intuition; not once since he and I first met had he dared to lie to me, so he would have no reason to start lying now.
Maybe, since I was the incarnation of the light of darkness, I just couldn’t bear to admit to him that he had been revealing the undeniable truth to me since the beginning.
I stare back at the plain walls, blinding me with the radiating sheen of angelic brilliance of white that was plain yet innocent; simple yet heavenly; pure yet untouchable; clean yet defiled by my presence. Time doesn’t seem to matter here, in my cell-like room, barred from any hopes of contact from the outside, where I am visited only by the sympathetic young nurse who brings me medication; drugs that will make me better.
I used to know what freedom was, but not anymore; I am nothing short of a dangerous, vile, sadistic shell of flesh that had once been a shadow of my former self, an animal that had been locked away in a cage without any assurance to be set free. He always came to me in my dreams, whispering in my ear what an abomination I was, commenting on the invisible veil of Sin that always shielded my eyes from the Reality he saw; his Reality is a polar opposite of my Reality, he never understood why I didn't respond to his interrogation when he and I first met.
I had been not a day past the age of six, I had known nothing at the time, I didn’t comprehend the difference between what was right and what was wrong; I didn’t know what it felt like to have the very innocence and purity torn from your body, making you experience the most unbearable Pain imaginable.
As if with every beat your heart made the Pain only worsened.
“Why do you never fight back? You are my light and I am your darkness; the darkness can never resist the light for long, and the light can be swayed into the ways of darkness. So why do you not restrain me?”
“Because... the light fears as to what the darkness is truly capable of doing. Light cannot conquer the darkness, but the darkness cannot force the light to its full and utter submission. Light may be strong, but it is not sufficient to restrain or resist the darkness.”
He snorted hearing my timid response, yet he seemed somewhat amused, his unruly, demonic hair gleaming in the darkness that was to be my eternal nightmare, his lilac eyes lustre a faint unreadable light of emotion as he smirked. “True, my sweet little light may not be strong or resilient enough to restrain me for long, but you will soon become what I am. ‘What you are I was, what I am you will be’.” He quoted poetically.
“I will never be you; I cannot be you. Like you said, I am your light and you are my darkness.”
“So, you truly and honestly believe you will never become that which took three millenniums to create, do you? Foolish mortal, don't allow your naive beliefs and false optimism get the best of you; soon you'll realize you lost your humanity long ago, soon you will lose the shreds of your former self you still cling to so desperately. It is your fate, you are destined to become me; it has been foreseen since the day you were born.”
My birth... how I hated to be reminded by him that I, in a warped and malevolent way, still existed, that I still drifted endlessly and aimlessly through the cycle of life, my body aging but my soul never grew ridden with imaginary disease; it was never defiled with layer upon layer of the filth that took hold of my once-supposedly-redeemable innocence. Never did I stop to think that one day my pure soul would be taken and broken like a mirror by his hands, lying in many slithers in the back of my mind while he laughed at me.
Scorning me because I was weak. I was everything all of humanity hated and Feared. I was the Seven Deadly Sins wrapped in an ancient and carelessly wrapped package, I was hate bundled up in a fake protecting shield of love, the happy-go-lucky persona I presented to the world was just a lie I lived for several years so as not to cause my family to feel concerned for me.
He once told me that I was never meant to feel love or to be loved, that I held no true purpose in life and making me feel as low as the wet mud wedged between the blades of moist emerald green on a warm fallevening after a rainstorm. I was not meant to possess the normal lifestyle I could only fantasize of in my wildest dreams; in a way, he had been right when he mocked and scorned me for what I truly was, for what I had been hiding from all this time.
I had never existed, so why should one deny what they assured themselves of since their adolescent years? Why do many humans hide who they truly are behind false masks of security and self-comfort? Maybe they at one point had been like me, only they were fortunate enough to escape from their darkness; I hadn’t been so lucky.
He said that I was nothing but his reflection, a cursed abomination cast away from Lucifer's arms and sent into the mortal world to be shunned and ridiculed for the rest of its pathetic life, never knowing love and never experiencing it.
White symbolizes purity and innocence; the darkness cannot touch it. I wouldn’t resemble the likes of purity or innocence, but I would never become the personified model for the darkness; I was caught in between light and darkness, my soul shedding crystalline tears of sorrow and Pain, shaded an ugly color of gray from loss of innocence and hope for my salvation.
Sometimes, when he wasn’t around to temporarily brainwash me with lies and deceitful words of spite and hate, I would laugh in the darkness that filled and choked my tiny padded white-walled cell of mine, chuckling at how they could find good reason to lock me away in a small cell with white walls, leaving me here to rot in solitary confinement for the rest of my days while the nurses pleaded, and sometimes when I felt too stubborn to even want to take the medication, and forced me to do as I was told like an obedient child.
And I would. I would take the bitter pills into my mouth before drinking the tasteless water, silently urging my molars to crunch and grind the pill-like medication I was required to take into swallowable bits before gulping down the water that bore no foul aftertaste like the pills did.
I wasn’t at all like the others in this place: the hellish yet peaceful environment I find myself residing in for the past few months now. I never screamed out profanities at the top of my lungs, I never cursed some imaginary being for inflicting Painful memories upon my weary mind, I never relished in delightful accomplishments and recollections of murder and rape.
I am the light of the darkness, or so he claims; he told me that I was a menacing and dark being sent from the deepest and dankest pits of Hell itself, an impure soul that would never be washed clean of the dire Sins of the past; a curse sent to my family for the Sins my ancestors committed.
I am my ancestors Sin; I am my family’s Sin. When I was a child, he would sometimes tell me bedtime stories; tales of what he knew of our pasts’. I remember I would take immediate shelter under the blankets whenever his gory and terrifying stories grew too vile for my young mind to bear.
I remember him cackling like a madman inside the soft folds of my brain, he took Pleasure seeing me shivering in Fear, but he particularly enjoyed it more if I started to cry; the moment my tears of Pain, or any other negative emotion began to take its toll on me, dribbled down my pale cheeks in plain sight, and in moist streaks, he would start to laugh in a manner that would break the minds of ten thousand men.
He always told me that it brought him immeasurable joy seeing me shed my tears of sorrow, that witnessing me reveal my Pain to him made the darkness within the core of his non-existent heart grow even more powerful, more deadly, so I allowed him to have this tiny ounce of happiness that I gave him while I cried myself to sleep, my tears dampening the already-soaked pillow from when last I cried in his presence.
In the realm of dreams, thoughts of my own self-made utopia conjured of twilight colored skies and breezy fields of bluebells were instantly washed away when he entered the serene picture, transforming the most beautiful of dreams into the most horrendous of nightmares. Twilight colors were choked by the spell-binding darkness and the fields became ridden with the bodies of many fallen people, some young and some elderly, but seeing the macabre scenery didn’t disturb me as much as I had previously thought.
Just sensing he was near me only made my heart pound wildly in my chest, shreds of frantic musings that was my weak mind assuring me that he couldn’t do anything too terrible to me only made my panicked disposition to worsen dramatically, my frail body and spirit still bore the faintest hints of the last time he had brought serious harm upon me physically, mentally and emotionally; deep down inside, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold out for much longer, but there was a small spark of hope that he would no longer exist.
Of course he told me that my thoughts about banishing him into the pits of Oblivion was nothing but wishful thinking, that so long as I continued to exist then he too would go on living, and so long as light dwelled where darkness thrived, we would continue to exist; in the furthest corners of my mind, there had been a faint, but noticeable, voice crying out in joy after he told me those words.
It was the first time I had truly felt what love was and what it meant, but I felt as though I had been deceived by the very man who claimed to be my darkness; to love the darkness, he would have to love the light, but he wasn’t capable of loving anyone. He had never shown any signs of being able to love, or wanting to be loved; the only things he was truly meant to do was to inflict Pain and Suffering upon anyone who dared to defy him or threatened him upon Pain of Death.
I knew about the first time he had taken a life. Not an innocent life, but it was a life nonetheless.
I still remember how unclean I felt when I woke up and saw that persons blood staining the walls of my room, drenching the sheets lying crumpled on my bed and emitting a foul, undefinable stench that was possibly due to my body shivering from the sudden cold draft and the beads of fearful, frigid perspire trickling everywhere across my blood soaked, shivering, sweating body. I asked him why he did this and he replied in a matter-of-fact tone that the light existed just to serve whatever means the darkness desired; in his eyes, the only reason behind my existence was to justify his means.
I possessed no free will, I beheld no emotion in my eyes, soul or heart, I was merely an empty shell of flesh forced to comply to his sick ways; a solitary servant who was as apathetic as an angel that had fallen from God’s good graces.
He had told me that I had no heart, my soul lay bare in the palm of his hand, the supposed ‘spirit’ that he claimed to own from the moment he came to exist; he told me on many an occasion whenever I disobeyed, he reminded me of just what he was capable of doing to me.
“Why do you always shed your Pain from the core of your being by crying? Why do you not take it out on those who have harmed and humiliated you before I came to exist in your life? You are capable of being reborn into the darkness, but you insist that it won't do you any good if you so much as touch a single hair on your assailants. I could kill you in the most despicable ways many mortals can only dream of, yet you don't obey me; you don’t listen to my words. Am I not your darkness? Are you not my light? My precious, beautiful, light. My... servant.”
He cupped my chin in the palm of his hand while his long-deceased, demonic, captivating, lilac eyes probed deep into my own eyes, taking mute, yet great, pleasure in seeing that I was near to crying hysterically like I had done whenever he tried to have a civilized heart-to-heart conversation with me.
“I am your light and you are my darkness, yes... but... just because you threaten me with the Pain of Death does not mean I will simply bow down and heed your commands. I am not a simple mind servant who will be beckoned easily to your every whim and want. I still possess a heart, my soul still lies dormant within me... no matter how much you try to insist that it is not true, I am human.”
He laughed with crazed mirth hearing this. “Silly child. You still believe that you will be welcomed back into the light? But... this tells me differently. This... ‘heart’ and ‘soul’... you claim to own, along with whatever shredded remains of your previous humanity that still float aimlessly about within the soft folds of your brain, are nothing but whimsical and false imaginations your mind has placed upon you. You do not seek to discover your heart and your soul, you seek something else; something only I can provide to you. You never owned a heart. Never did you possess a soul. You’re just another hapless, soulless being born into a realm it was never meant to exist in.”
He finished his statement by placing his hand directly over my heart and my face slowly began to burn, whether or not he took notice of the shade of blood red soon taking form in my cheeks I don’t know, his eyes narrowed into feline-like slits feeling and hearing my heart pound erratically against the palm of his hand.
“If I do not possess a heart of my own, then tell me what is it that your hand feels? And... what is this?” I emphasized my statement by placing my hand on his chest over his own heart, feeling the same beat he surely felt, only his heartbeat was steady and calm, so unlike my own.
He sneered, and his Painful amused laughter resonated off the corners of my mind, his lilac eyes shining ominously in the darkness. “This so-called ‘heart’ you claim to have isn’t really a heart... your anger, hate, Pain, sorrow and Fear fuels the faint glimmer of darkness in the very core of your being. With every beat this ‘heart’ of yours makes, it only causes the darkness within you to strengthen and grow; you may not yet realize it, but soon the darkness will corrupt what remains of the light inside you. Soon you will lose all traces of your former self. Soon you won’t remember anything or anyone you may have cared about. All your childhood memories, your never-ending days as a schoolgirl, the Painful years of your adolescence... all this, and much more, will vanish.”
“You never answered my question. If I do not have a heart, and if the same bodes for you too, then tell me what is this my hand feels? What is causing this chromatic beat to pulsate beneath my hand?” I had asked him, raising my head slightly so I would be staring at him, and he would be staring back. The sardonic sneer gracing his tanned features shifted to a maniacal grin, his canines flashed like moonlit beams as the grin slowly stretched from ear to ear.
“My ‘heart’ only beats because of you. Your anger, hate, Pain, sorrow and Fear not only causes your darkness to grow, but also it empowers my own; because of this, it will eventually take its toll on your weary mind, sweet child of mine. Soon you’ll forget everything that you deemed pure and good, like rain washing away the Crimson Filth off a blood shedder’s hands.”
He ran his free hand through my hair and I shivered the moment his cold-as-Death touch caressed my vulnerable forehead, slowly dragging the edge of his feral, deadly talons across my temple and lightly impinging my frail cheekbone; I mentally flinched, but my face remained stoic, and the inhuman, warped grin etched into his face was still growing while his features became cadaverously distorted.
“What if I didn’t exist anymore? What would happen?”
“Darkness would no longer coexist with the light.”
“What if I were to die?”
“...”
He seemed taken aback by my question; his demonic grin faltered a bit, almost spiraling into a mildly disapproving frown, but he quickly regained his previous All-Knowing composure, the frown replaced by a more sinister sneer than before, temporary shock made way for the sadistic and deceased gleam his lilac eyes took on.
“Silly child. You ask a question you, yourself, already know the answer to: the darkness can never die. It has existed alongside with the light since Light and Darkness was created; with the strongest Light comes the deepest of Shadows. You know this better than any other mortal, you have witnessed what the darkness is capable of doing to the light; the drastic measures it will take to ensure it has the complete and utter submission of the light.”
I thought he was just lying, simply spreading his words of deceit in order to further plague my weary and torn mind, so as to continue send me falling into the deepest pits of despair and agony; this was an overbearing tactic he had developed and practiced with me many times over, and it had taken me well over six months to not cry or beg him to cease with his Mind Games. I had never truly believed anything he told me over these long thirteen years was the cold and unbearable truth of Reality, but I should have listened to my feminine intuition; not once since he and I first met had he dared to lie to me, so he would have no reason to start lying now.
Maybe, since I was the incarnation of the light of darkness, I just couldn’t bear to admit to him that he had been revealing the undeniable truth to me since the beginning.