Post by Rockinmuffin on Feb 25, 2007 21:08:00 GMT -5
He stared down at you blankly, his Sharnigan eyes trailing down from your face to your chest, then your arms, then your chest again. …And finally rested on the flamethrower in your arms. “That’s mine… You’ve been in my room.”
You gulped. “N-no, I wasn’t!” He gave you a skeptical glance. “Orochimaru-san did it! He grabbed it from your room when no one was looking and used it to burn up the remains of the microwave after it exploded cuz he put metal in the microwave and it made the pretty purple lighting and so I took it back from him and smacked him and Deidara-san in the face with it-”
“Strike three” he interrupted before snatching the flamethrower away from you. He glanced back at your chest once again before retreating to his room to return his weapon back in its rightful place under his pillow.
You shivered lightly; one could only imagine what horrible things Itachi had planned for you. However, you decided not to dwell on these thoughts and simply joined the rest of the Akatsuki on the living room floor.
Apparently, while you and Itachi had chatted, Kisame had been in the middle of telling a joke.
“-And so I says to the man, ‘that’s no hippo, that’s my wife!’”
“…”
Deidara pouted. “Kisame, that joke sucked, yeah.”
“Yeah, well, your mom sucks.”
“…My mom’s dead, yeah…”
“…”
And so, all of the occupants of the living room fell into an awkward silence that lasted about… five minutes.
Orochimaru was the one to break the silence. “OH-EM-GEE! Just look at the time! We almost missed the Miss Konoha Ninja Pageant!” Orochimaru declared as he looked down at his wrist, despite the fact that he wasn’t even wearing a watch. He then snatched the television remote, turned on the blinking idiot-box, and flopped down on his belly to observe the wonders of modern technology and the world’s shallowness and high standards of beauty.
“I hope Anko wins this year” Kabuto remarked as he sat down next to Orochimaru. “Last year she set the stage on fire and duct-taped the judges to the ceiling when she was declared Miss Congeniality.”
You turned to Kabuto. “How did you get in here?”
“I dug a tunnel from outside with a rusty spoon and it led me into your closet” he stated nonchalantly, keeping his eyes glued to the television. “By the way, you have really bad taste in clothing. I’ll have to take you out shopping some time in the future. Just because you live like a slob doesn’t mean that you have to dress like one.”
“…” You turned away from the silver-haired medic, massaging your temples. “I think I’m going to go lie down” you muttered as you moved to go back to your room. You suddenly stopped, remembering something. “Hey, Tobi-kun!”
Tobi’s head popped up. “Yes, _____-senpai?”
“You’re coming with me, Tobi. We’re gonna go have wild, passionate, monkey-sex in my room!” you stated loudly enough so everyone in the entire hideout could hear you, especially a little red-eyed weasel that had just returned from his own room.
Tobi simply nodded his head, jumped up from the floor, and followed you like a baby duckling. He even waddled his cute little behind for good measure. Just like a good boy!
The two of you finally reached your room and you opened the door, allowing Tobi to enter the room first. You quickly entered too and closed the door behind you, locking it to make sure that none of the other members would come and disturb you. The both of you sat on the bed next to each other and stared at the wall for five minutes in awkward silence.
“…Tobi-kun?”
“Yes, _____-senpai?”
“Do you even know what sex is?”
“…No, _____-senpai.”
“…”
And so, you prepared yourself for a very long-winded speech about the birds and the bees.
“We’re gonna need some ice cream…”
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Itachi paced the floor of the living room, glancing up at the clock every ten seconds. You and Tobi had left for your room two hours ago and still hadn’t returned. Itachi didn’t even want to think about what you and the masked Akatsuki-wannabe were doing at the moment, though he had a vague idea of what it was…
Itachi stopped in his tracks and sat down on the couch, pulling a pad of paper and a pencil out from the pockets within his cloak. “Note to self: kill the masked idiot. …And dance on his grave if there’s enough time and no witnesses.”
“Itachi-san, what are you doing?”
Itachi didn’t even bother to look up at his sharky partner; he simply stayed silent and slipped his items back into the darkest depths of his cloak. Perhaps, if he stayed silent for long enough, then Kisame would get the picture and leave him alone.
But, as always, this was not the case.
“So, still thinking about _____-san naked?” Kisame asked with an ear-to-ear grin.
Itachi growled as Kisame sat next to him on the couch, wrapping a large, blue arm around the Uchiha youth. Kisame, being accustomed to Itachi acting like a PMS-ing girl, paid little heed to the warning. Instead, he pulled Itachi closer to him and pet the younger boy’s head.
“Itachi, this can’t go on for much longer… You’re going to have to tell _____-san how you feel about her eventually. If you keep all that sexual frustration of yours bottled up for too long then it might start to affect your performance during important missions. Face it, Itachi-san; you need to get laid.”
Itachi glared at the shark-man and promptly moved out of his grip. “As if you’re one to preach to me about such matters; you haven’t had sex for so long that you’ve taken blue balls to a new level.
“…Ya know, sometimes you can be really mean.” And with that, Kisame ran off to his room in tears and let out all his teenage angst by writing in his diary.
“Still, perhaps Kisame isn’t a complete idiot. I suppose I should check up on _____-san and see how she’s doing” Itachi muttered to himself as he stroked his chin. “And then I’ll pay a visit to my psychiatrist and see if he can give me some medication that will help me to refrain from speaking to myself when I’m alone.”
Itachi quickly scurried off towards your room, stopping once he arrived in front of your door. He was about to knock against the door’s wooden surface when something stopped him. Itachi could’ve sworn he heard a strange, squeaking noise coming from your room. The former Uchiha prodigy carefully placed his ear against the door, trying to discern what the strange squeaking could possibly be. The answer suddenly hit Itachi like a ton of bricks.
It was the sound of bedsprings.
“You were right _____-senpai; this is fun!” exclaimed Tobi, his voice sounding excited and out of breath.
“Of course I was right. Now go faster!” came your voice, sounding just as pleased and exhausted.
“Tobi can go faster! Tobi’s a good boy!”
“Yes… Tobi-kun, you’re a very good boy!”
Itachi gasped in shock, his face turning pale. There was no way that you and Tobi were doing… IT. That was impossible!
“Tobi-kun, not so hard! You’re going to break my bed!”
“Gomen _____-senpai! I couldn’t help myself! I just got so excited!”
It wasn’t much longer before Itachi passed out and fell on the floor with a loud thud.
“Huh? What was that?” you questioned as you stopped jumping on top of your bed. You placed your hand on Tobi’s shoulder so that he would stop bouncing as well.
That’s right. Just as you were about to give Tobi The Talk, you had chickened out at the last minute and challenged him to an ice cream eating contest. All the excess sugar that the two of you had consumed left you hyperactive and bouncing off the walls so you suggested that the two of you burn off some energy by jumping on the bed.
Slowly, you opened your door and looked out cautiously only to find Itachi asleep on the floor.
You twitched.
Great. It seemed as if Itachi had now gained the habit of waiting outside your door for you. Probably so that he could jump you unexpectedly when you came out. You weren’t sure how long he had been waiting for you, but it must’ve been a long time for him to have fallen asleep outside your door.
Still, you couldn’t help but notice how peaceful he looked while he was sleeping. It was almost enough to make you forget that he was a psychopath. Almost.
Carefully, you tip-toed past Itachi’s motionless body, making sure you didn’t make a sound as you stepped over him. Silently, you urged Tobi to do the same. But, because Tobi is really nothing more than an inexperienced noob, albeit a loveable one, he managed to trip over Itachi’s cloak and land on the Uchiha’s stomach.
Real smooth.
Before Itachi could react, you grabbed Tobi’s arm, pulled him up, and ran out of there like a bat out of hell. As Itachi watched your retreating forms, he plotted eighty-three different ways to beat and maim Tobi.
…In case you couldn’t tell, Itachi really doesn’t like Tobi.
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
“Purple is a very good color for you, _____-senpai!” Tobi exclaimed as he painted your toenails carefully. “And you take such nice care of your feet! They’re so soft and smooth and clean and-”
You twitched. “Tobi-kun… Are you rubbing your face against me foot?!”
“…Maybe.”
“…I’d pull my foot away from you, but you haven’t finished my pedicure yet.”
Tobi sighed to himself as he applied a second coat of nail polish to your toes. “Are girlfriends usually this mean?” Tobi muttered to himself.
“That’s why I only chase after little boys now” Orochimaru stated as he painted his own fingernails. “Besides, girls have cooties! Plus, there’s this thing they do once every month where they-”
You interrupted Orochimaru by kicking him in the face, dislocating his jaw in the process. “Quiet. I’m not in the mood to explain to Tobi-kun the wonders of the time of the month. I still need to give him the talk about the birds and the bees and the coconut trees… Or however the rhyme goes.”
Orochimaru simply settled for grumbling obscenities under his breath as he relocated his jaw. He then went back to painting his fingernails, sending you death-glares every five seconds. Getting annoyed with the snake-man’s childishness, you threw the large bucket of paint at his head. You smiled to yourself, enjoying your pedicure, as Orochimaru twitched on the couch suffering from a mild concussion.
“_____-san! Yeah!”
You quickly pulled your foot out of Tobi’s grasp and rolled across the floor to avoid Deidara’s evil glomp of doom. The poor, unsuspecting blonde landed face-first on the floor, sliding several feet and leaving skid marks. Poor, poor carpet… Ergh, Deidara. Yeah… Poor, poor Deidara…
“Ouch, y-y-yeah…” Deidara groaned as he twitched lightly on the floor. As always, he was ignored by the majority of his peers. In fact, the only one that paid him any attention was Tobi whom, upset by his loss of your strangely erotic foot, picked up Deidara’s foot with a sigh and took of the blonde’s sandals so that he could apply a fresh layer of nail polish to his toes.
Meanwhile, you and Kabuto were currently engaged in an exciting conversation about the proper techniques for frying bacon. Because you’re both cool like that.
“You see,” you started, “When frying bacon you must always wear a shirt. If you don’t then you risk the chance of bacon grease splashing in the frying pan and burning your stomach or chest. It’s a very unpleasant sensation that I’d rather not repeat.”
Kabuto stared at you oddly. “Why were you frying bacon topless?” the silver-haired boy questioned as he adjusted his glasses.
“No reason…” you drawled, shifting your eyes back and forth suspiciously. Kabuto raised an eyebrow, obviously noting your strange behavior, but made no comment. Perhaps he came to the conclusion that you were just weird. And if he did then he’s probably correct.
Instead, Kabuto simply settled for thinking of you without a shirt and holding a pan full of freshly-fried bacon. You scooted away from the boy as a bit of drool started to dribble down his chin.
Growing bored, you scanned the room to see if there was anything else that you could entertain yourself with. You grinned as you spotted Zetsu sitting on the floor with crossed legs under a giant heating lamp. You strolled over to the plant-man with a smile on your face.
“Oh Zetsu-san!” you called in a sickeningly sweet voice. You growled when you got no response and promptly poked the Venus flytrap that sat on Zetsu’s shoulders. Still, you received no response. “Zetsu-san?” you questioned with a hint of worry.
“Photosynthesis, photosynthesis, photosynthesis...”
You raised an eyebrow as one of the most feared members of Akatsuki continued to chant the single word as if in a trance. He continued to ignore you, no matter how much you waved your hand in his face, how loud you’d yell in his ear, or how hard you’d slap that stupid Venus flytrap over his head. You finally settled for sticking a twig up his left nostril.
However, the moment was short-lived and you soon grew bored again. Seeing as Tobi was the only one in the room who wasn’t in a completely brain-dead state (though sometimes you wondered…), you set off on an exciting journey to find something to entertain yourself with.
“YEAH! I’m going on an ADVENTURE!” you shouted in joy then ran out of the living room, speeding down the halls.
“…Tobi feels abandoned.” Tobi looked around the room, taking note of Zetsu’s trance-like state, Kabuto’s dazed state, and Orochimaru lying on the couch with a concussion. “Oh well!” Tobi cheered as he set back to painting Deidara’s toenails.
“…I hate you, Tobi-baka. So much… Yeah.”
“I love you too, Deidara-senpai!”
“…Bastard, yeah.”
“Tobi’s a good boy!”
No longer hyped up from the prospect of going on an exciting adventure, you hunched your shoulders as you slowly trudged down the hallway. “I’m bored. And tired. And hungry. …And the paint on my toenails is still wet.” You stared blankly at your bare toes for a moment. “…What was I doing again?”
“Do you normally talk to yourself when no one else is around?”
You turned around and found yourself face-to-face with none other than…
You sighed to yourself. “What do you want, Sasori-san?”
Sasori looked over you with a bored expression, his eyes lazy and half-lidded. “Nothing. Just checking to see if you’ve gone insane yet.”
“And?”
“And it would appear that you have.”
You scowled indignantly at the puppet-master’s comment, wrinkling your brow at the small, nearly-invisible grin that his lips formed. Sasori always had a bad habit for pushing your buttons, though you couldn’t entirely disagree with what he said. After all, what sane person would hang around with members of the Akatsuki? Or even Tobi for that matter?
Sasori’s smooth voice interrupted your thoughts. “Itachi-san is looking for you.”
You groaned to yourself loudly. “Too bad for him. I’ve been eye-raped by him more than enough for one day.”
“Who says you have a choice?” Sasori questioned with a quirked eyebrow. “I could just bring you to him, with or without your consent.”
You stared at Sasori, wide-eyed. “B-but, you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?” you whimpered with pouted lips, doing your best to make yourself look as pathetic as possible.
Sasori was not amused. “You do realize that making yourself look like a wounded puppy has no effect on me, don’t you? I’m a puppet. I have no emotions; that includes pity.”
“B-but… I’m adorable!” you reasoned, flashing a pair of tear-filled, chibi eyes. “Even you can’t resist the diabetes-inducing cuteness that is me!”
“…”
Sasori flinched. You grinned.
“...You’re odd.”
You frowned. “This is coming from the man that turned himself into a puppet?” you questioned, placing your hands on your hips for emphasis. “Ya know, you really aren’t one to talk, Sasori-san.”
Sasori merely brushed off your comment as if your opinion meant nothing to him (which was true) then turned to you with a sly grin. “At least I’m not using Tobi-kun as an excuse to try to keep Itachi away.” The puppet master smirked as you growled softly. “By the way, you’re dripping nail polish on the carpet.”
You stared down at the floor to find that, indeed, your dark purple nail polish was dripping from your toes down to the once-clean hallway carpet. You cursed silently to yourself; you knew Leader would dock that out of your pay. Even if he didn’t know who did it he would still take it out of your pay, just like when he made you pay for all the curtains Deidara blew up. Leader’s an asshole like that.
Sasori chuckled lightly at your misery. Normally you’d stare at Sasori wide-eyed with your mouth agape in response to him showing emotion; however, you were too discouraged to do so. Instead you made a mental note to hide termites in his bed later tonight.
Sasori quirked an eyebrow as an evil smirk formed over your features, but chose to not comment on it. You were probably just daydreaming about giant bunnies eating a chocolate-covered Deidara, or something strangely erotic like that.
Mmmm… Chocolate-covered Deidara…
You gave Sasori an odd look as a small droplet of drool slid down his chin. He immediately wiped it away and rushed off to his room, mentioning something about chocolate bunnies or something weird like that.
“What a freak.”
And once again you found yourself standing in the middle of the hallway, not remembering what you were doing there in the first place. A low grumble echoed throughout the hallway and you stared at the source of the noise; your stomach. Perhaps if you filled your troublesome stomach then you’d remember what you were doing? Well, probably not, but it was worth a shot.
So, shrugging your shoulders, you walked off in search for the kitchen to get yourself a snack. “I hope Itachi-san didn’t eat all the pocky again” you thought aloud. You continued to brainstorm different treats that you were in the mood for as you continued to trek through the hall. Just as you had decided that you were in the mood to fry some bacon (with a shirt on) you passed an oddly familiar-looking wall. You stopped, staring at the wall intently as you stroked your chin thoughtfully. “Where have I seen this wall before?” you pondered.
You figured it out after only a minute; you had just passed that wall about five minutes ago. It took you another five minutes to determine that you had been walking around in circles.
…You blamed the slowness of your brain on your empty stomach. Or Deidara. Because his idiocy was so potent that it had become infectious.
The entire situation was ridiculous. How did you manage to get yourself lost in your own home, in a hallway you went through every day? By the time that you had passed the same wall for the forty-third time, you started to get a tad peeved.
“I swear, I’ll rip out the small intestine of the first person I see and use it as a jump rope!” you shouted, foaming at the mouth.
Okay, so maybe you were a little more than peeved…
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Deidara snickered to himself as he watched you nearly kick a hole in the wall from a safe distance.
“What are you doing, Deidara-senpai” Tobi questioned, finishing up the details of the little hearts he painted on Deidara’s big toe.
“Just practicing some genjutsu, yeah” Deidara answered with a sly smile. Deidara stared down at his toes, his smile soon fading. “Don’t ever touch me again, Tobi-baka. Yeah.”
Tobi smiled stupidly behind his mask. “Tobi’s a good boy!”
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
You gulped. “N-no, I wasn’t!” He gave you a skeptical glance. “Orochimaru-san did it! He grabbed it from your room when no one was looking and used it to burn up the remains of the microwave after it exploded cuz he put metal in the microwave and it made the pretty purple lighting and so I took it back from him and smacked him and Deidara-san in the face with it-”
“Strike three” he interrupted before snatching the flamethrower away from you. He glanced back at your chest once again before retreating to his room to return his weapon back in its rightful place under his pillow.
You shivered lightly; one could only imagine what horrible things Itachi had planned for you. However, you decided not to dwell on these thoughts and simply joined the rest of the Akatsuki on the living room floor.
Apparently, while you and Itachi had chatted, Kisame had been in the middle of telling a joke.
“-And so I says to the man, ‘that’s no hippo, that’s my wife!’”
“…”
Deidara pouted. “Kisame, that joke sucked, yeah.”
“Yeah, well, your mom sucks.”
“…My mom’s dead, yeah…”
“…”
And so, all of the occupants of the living room fell into an awkward silence that lasted about… five minutes.
Orochimaru was the one to break the silence. “OH-EM-GEE! Just look at the time! We almost missed the Miss Konoha Ninja Pageant!” Orochimaru declared as he looked down at his wrist, despite the fact that he wasn’t even wearing a watch. He then snatched the television remote, turned on the blinking idiot-box, and flopped down on his belly to observe the wonders of modern technology and the world’s shallowness and high standards of beauty.
“I hope Anko wins this year” Kabuto remarked as he sat down next to Orochimaru. “Last year she set the stage on fire and duct-taped the judges to the ceiling when she was declared Miss Congeniality.”
You turned to Kabuto. “How did you get in here?”
“I dug a tunnel from outside with a rusty spoon and it led me into your closet” he stated nonchalantly, keeping his eyes glued to the television. “By the way, you have really bad taste in clothing. I’ll have to take you out shopping some time in the future. Just because you live like a slob doesn’t mean that you have to dress like one.”
“…” You turned away from the silver-haired medic, massaging your temples. “I think I’m going to go lie down” you muttered as you moved to go back to your room. You suddenly stopped, remembering something. “Hey, Tobi-kun!”
Tobi’s head popped up. “Yes, _____-senpai?”
“You’re coming with me, Tobi. We’re gonna go have wild, passionate, monkey-sex in my room!” you stated loudly enough so everyone in the entire hideout could hear you, especially a little red-eyed weasel that had just returned from his own room.
Tobi simply nodded his head, jumped up from the floor, and followed you like a baby duckling. He even waddled his cute little behind for good measure. Just like a good boy!
The two of you finally reached your room and you opened the door, allowing Tobi to enter the room first. You quickly entered too and closed the door behind you, locking it to make sure that none of the other members would come and disturb you. The both of you sat on the bed next to each other and stared at the wall for five minutes in awkward silence.
“…Tobi-kun?”
“Yes, _____-senpai?”
“Do you even know what sex is?”
“…No, _____-senpai.”
“…”
And so, you prepared yourself for a very long-winded speech about the birds and the bees.
“We’re gonna need some ice cream…”
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Itachi paced the floor of the living room, glancing up at the clock every ten seconds. You and Tobi had left for your room two hours ago and still hadn’t returned. Itachi didn’t even want to think about what you and the masked Akatsuki-wannabe were doing at the moment, though he had a vague idea of what it was…
Itachi stopped in his tracks and sat down on the couch, pulling a pad of paper and a pencil out from the pockets within his cloak. “Note to self: kill the masked idiot. …And dance on his grave if there’s enough time and no witnesses.”
“Itachi-san, what are you doing?”
Itachi didn’t even bother to look up at his sharky partner; he simply stayed silent and slipped his items back into the darkest depths of his cloak. Perhaps, if he stayed silent for long enough, then Kisame would get the picture and leave him alone.
But, as always, this was not the case.
“So, still thinking about _____-san naked?” Kisame asked with an ear-to-ear grin.
Itachi growled as Kisame sat next to him on the couch, wrapping a large, blue arm around the Uchiha youth. Kisame, being accustomed to Itachi acting like a PMS-ing girl, paid little heed to the warning. Instead, he pulled Itachi closer to him and pet the younger boy’s head.
“Itachi, this can’t go on for much longer… You’re going to have to tell _____-san how you feel about her eventually. If you keep all that sexual frustration of yours bottled up for too long then it might start to affect your performance during important missions. Face it, Itachi-san; you need to get laid.”
Itachi glared at the shark-man and promptly moved out of his grip. “As if you’re one to preach to me about such matters; you haven’t had sex for so long that you’ve taken blue balls to a new level.
“…Ya know, sometimes you can be really mean.” And with that, Kisame ran off to his room in tears and let out all his teenage angst by writing in his diary.
“Still, perhaps Kisame isn’t a complete idiot. I suppose I should check up on _____-san and see how she’s doing” Itachi muttered to himself as he stroked his chin. “And then I’ll pay a visit to my psychiatrist and see if he can give me some medication that will help me to refrain from speaking to myself when I’m alone.”
Itachi quickly scurried off towards your room, stopping once he arrived in front of your door. He was about to knock against the door’s wooden surface when something stopped him. Itachi could’ve sworn he heard a strange, squeaking noise coming from your room. The former Uchiha prodigy carefully placed his ear against the door, trying to discern what the strange squeaking could possibly be. The answer suddenly hit Itachi like a ton of bricks.
It was the sound of bedsprings.
“You were right _____-senpai; this is fun!” exclaimed Tobi, his voice sounding excited and out of breath.
“Of course I was right. Now go faster!” came your voice, sounding just as pleased and exhausted.
“Tobi can go faster! Tobi’s a good boy!”
“Yes… Tobi-kun, you’re a very good boy!”
Itachi gasped in shock, his face turning pale. There was no way that you and Tobi were doing… IT. That was impossible!
“Tobi-kun, not so hard! You’re going to break my bed!”
“Gomen _____-senpai! I couldn’t help myself! I just got so excited!”
It wasn’t much longer before Itachi passed out and fell on the floor with a loud thud.
“Huh? What was that?” you questioned as you stopped jumping on top of your bed. You placed your hand on Tobi’s shoulder so that he would stop bouncing as well.
That’s right. Just as you were about to give Tobi The Talk, you had chickened out at the last minute and challenged him to an ice cream eating contest. All the excess sugar that the two of you had consumed left you hyperactive and bouncing off the walls so you suggested that the two of you burn off some energy by jumping on the bed.
Slowly, you opened your door and looked out cautiously only to find Itachi asleep on the floor.
You twitched.
Great. It seemed as if Itachi had now gained the habit of waiting outside your door for you. Probably so that he could jump you unexpectedly when you came out. You weren’t sure how long he had been waiting for you, but it must’ve been a long time for him to have fallen asleep outside your door.
Still, you couldn’t help but notice how peaceful he looked while he was sleeping. It was almost enough to make you forget that he was a psychopath. Almost.
Carefully, you tip-toed past Itachi’s motionless body, making sure you didn’t make a sound as you stepped over him. Silently, you urged Tobi to do the same. But, because Tobi is really nothing more than an inexperienced noob, albeit a loveable one, he managed to trip over Itachi’s cloak and land on the Uchiha’s stomach.
Real smooth.
Before Itachi could react, you grabbed Tobi’s arm, pulled him up, and ran out of there like a bat out of hell. As Itachi watched your retreating forms, he plotted eighty-three different ways to beat and maim Tobi.
…In case you couldn’t tell, Itachi really doesn’t like Tobi.
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
“Purple is a very good color for you, _____-senpai!” Tobi exclaimed as he painted your toenails carefully. “And you take such nice care of your feet! They’re so soft and smooth and clean and-”
You twitched. “Tobi-kun… Are you rubbing your face against me foot?!”
“…Maybe.”
“…I’d pull my foot away from you, but you haven’t finished my pedicure yet.”
Tobi sighed to himself as he applied a second coat of nail polish to your toes. “Are girlfriends usually this mean?” Tobi muttered to himself.
“That’s why I only chase after little boys now” Orochimaru stated as he painted his own fingernails. “Besides, girls have cooties! Plus, there’s this thing they do once every month where they-”
You interrupted Orochimaru by kicking him in the face, dislocating his jaw in the process. “Quiet. I’m not in the mood to explain to Tobi-kun the wonders of the time of the month. I still need to give him the talk about the birds and the bees and the coconut trees… Or however the rhyme goes.”
Orochimaru simply settled for grumbling obscenities under his breath as he relocated his jaw. He then went back to painting his fingernails, sending you death-glares every five seconds. Getting annoyed with the snake-man’s childishness, you threw the large bucket of paint at his head. You smiled to yourself, enjoying your pedicure, as Orochimaru twitched on the couch suffering from a mild concussion.
“_____-san! Yeah!”
You quickly pulled your foot out of Tobi’s grasp and rolled across the floor to avoid Deidara’s evil glomp of doom. The poor, unsuspecting blonde landed face-first on the floor, sliding several feet and leaving skid marks. Poor, poor carpet… Ergh, Deidara. Yeah… Poor, poor Deidara…
“Ouch, y-y-yeah…” Deidara groaned as he twitched lightly on the floor. As always, he was ignored by the majority of his peers. In fact, the only one that paid him any attention was Tobi whom, upset by his loss of your strangely erotic foot, picked up Deidara’s foot with a sigh and took of the blonde’s sandals so that he could apply a fresh layer of nail polish to his toes.
Meanwhile, you and Kabuto were currently engaged in an exciting conversation about the proper techniques for frying bacon. Because you’re both cool like that.
“You see,” you started, “When frying bacon you must always wear a shirt. If you don’t then you risk the chance of bacon grease splashing in the frying pan and burning your stomach or chest. It’s a very unpleasant sensation that I’d rather not repeat.”
Kabuto stared at you oddly. “Why were you frying bacon topless?” the silver-haired boy questioned as he adjusted his glasses.
“No reason…” you drawled, shifting your eyes back and forth suspiciously. Kabuto raised an eyebrow, obviously noting your strange behavior, but made no comment. Perhaps he came to the conclusion that you were just weird. And if he did then he’s probably correct.
Instead, Kabuto simply settled for thinking of you without a shirt and holding a pan full of freshly-fried bacon. You scooted away from the boy as a bit of drool started to dribble down his chin.
Growing bored, you scanned the room to see if there was anything else that you could entertain yourself with. You grinned as you spotted Zetsu sitting on the floor with crossed legs under a giant heating lamp. You strolled over to the plant-man with a smile on your face.
“Oh Zetsu-san!” you called in a sickeningly sweet voice. You growled when you got no response and promptly poked the Venus flytrap that sat on Zetsu’s shoulders. Still, you received no response. “Zetsu-san?” you questioned with a hint of worry.
“Photosynthesis, photosynthesis, photosynthesis...”
You raised an eyebrow as one of the most feared members of Akatsuki continued to chant the single word as if in a trance. He continued to ignore you, no matter how much you waved your hand in his face, how loud you’d yell in his ear, or how hard you’d slap that stupid Venus flytrap over his head. You finally settled for sticking a twig up his left nostril.
However, the moment was short-lived and you soon grew bored again. Seeing as Tobi was the only one in the room who wasn’t in a completely brain-dead state (though sometimes you wondered…), you set off on an exciting journey to find something to entertain yourself with.
“YEAH! I’m going on an ADVENTURE!” you shouted in joy then ran out of the living room, speeding down the halls.
“…Tobi feels abandoned.” Tobi looked around the room, taking note of Zetsu’s trance-like state, Kabuto’s dazed state, and Orochimaru lying on the couch with a concussion. “Oh well!” Tobi cheered as he set back to painting Deidara’s toenails.
“…I hate you, Tobi-baka. So much… Yeah.”
“I love you too, Deidara-senpai!”
“…Bastard, yeah.”
“Tobi’s a good boy!”
No longer hyped up from the prospect of going on an exciting adventure, you hunched your shoulders as you slowly trudged down the hallway. “I’m bored. And tired. And hungry. …And the paint on my toenails is still wet.” You stared blankly at your bare toes for a moment. “…What was I doing again?”
“Do you normally talk to yourself when no one else is around?”
You turned around and found yourself face-to-face with none other than…
You sighed to yourself. “What do you want, Sasori-san?”
Sasori looked over you with a bored expression, his eyes lazy and half-lidded. “Nothing. Just checking to see if you’ve gone insane yet.”
“And?”
“And it would appear that you have.”
You scowled indignantly at the puppet-master’s comment, wrinkling your brow at the small, nearly-invisible grin that his lips formed. Sasori always had a bad habit for pushing your buttons, though you couldn’t entirely disagree with what he said. After all, what sane person would hang around with members of the Akatsuki? Or even Tobi for that matter?
Sasori’s smooth voice interrupted your thoughts. “Itachi-san is looking for you.”
You groaned to yourself loudly. “Too bad for him. I’ve been eye-raped by him more than enough for one day.”
“Who says you have a choice?” Sasori questioned with a quirked eyebrow. “I could just bring you to him, with or without your consent.”
You stared at Sasori, wide-eyed. “B-but, you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?” you whimpered with pouted lips, doing your best to make yourself look as pathetic as possible.
Sasori was not amused. “You do realize that making yourself look like a wounded puppy has no effect on me, don’t you? I’m a puppet. I have no emotions; that includes pity.”
“B-but… I’m adorable!” you reasoned, flashing a pair of tear-filled, chibi eyes. “Even you can’t resist the diabetes-inducing cuteness that is me!”
“…”
Sasori flinched. You grinned.
“...You’re odd.”
You frowned. “This is coming from the man that turned himself into a puppet?” you questioned, placing your hands on your hips for emphasis. “Ya know, you really aren’t one to talk, Sasori-san.”
Sasori merely brushed off your comment as if your opinion meant nothing to him (which was true) then turned to you with a sly grin. “At least I’m not using Tobi-kun as an excuse to try to keep Itachi away.” The puppet master smirked as you growled softly. “By the way, you’re dripping nail polish on the carpet.”
You stared down at the floor to find that, indeed, your dark purple nail polish was dripping from your toes down to the once-clean hallway carpet. You cursed silently to yourself; you knew Leader would dock that out of your pay. Even if he didn’t know who did it he would still take it out of your pay, just like when he made you pay for all the curtains Deidara blew up. Leader’s an asshole like that.
Sasori chuckled lightly at your misery. Normally you’d stare at Sasori wide-eyed with your mouth agape in response to him showing emotion; however, you were too discouraged to do so. Instead you made a mental note to hide termites in his bed later tonight.
Sasori quirked an eyebrow as an evil smirk formed over your features, but chose to not comment on it. You were probably just daydreaming about giant bunnies eating a chocolate-covered Deidara, or something strangely erotic like that.
Mmmm… Chocolate-covered Deidara…
You gave Sasori an odd look as a small droplet of drool slid down his chin. He immediately wiped it away and rushed off to his room, mentioning something about chocolate bunnies or something weird like that.
“What a freak.”
And once again you found yourself standing in the middle of the hallway, not remembering what you were doing there in the first place. A low grumble echoed throughout the hallway and you stared at the source of the noise; your stomach. Perhaps if you filled your troublesome stomach then you’d remember what you were doing? Well, probably not, but it was worth a shot.
So, shrugging your shoulders, you walked off in search for the kitchen to get yourself a snack. “I hope Itachi-san didn’t eat all the pocky again” you thought aloud. You continued to brainstorm different treats that you were in the mood for as you continued to trek through the hall. Just as you had decided that you were in the mood to fry some bacon (with a shirt on) you passed an oddly familiar-looking wall. You stopped, staring at the wall intently as you stroked your chin thoughtfully. “Where have I seen this wall before?” you pondered.
You figured it out after only a minute; you had just passed that wall about five minutes ago. It took you another five minutes to determine that you had been walking around in circles.
…You blamed the slowness of your brain on your empty stomach. Or Deidara. Because his idiocy was so potent that it had become infectious.
The entire situation was ridiculous. How did you manage to get yourself lost in your own home, in a hallway you went through every day? By the time that you had passed the same wall for the forty-third time, you started to get a tad peeved.
“I swear, I’ll rip out the small intestine of the first person I see and use it as a jump rope!” you shouted, foaming at the mouth.
Okay, so maybe you were a little more than peeved…
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Deidara snickered to himself as he watched you nearly kick a hole in the wall from a safe distance.
“What are you doing, Deidara-senpai” Tobi questioned, finishing up the details of the little hearts he painted on Deidara’s big toe.
“Just practicing some genjutsu, yeah” Deidara answered with a sly smile. Deidara stared down at his toes, his smile soon fading. “Don’t ever touch me again, Tobi-baka. Yeah.”
Tobi smiled stupidly behind his mask. “Tobi’s a good boy!”
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Ever notice how the word "therapist" is just "the" and "rapist" put together? Think about it. 