Post by endlesslyfallen on Jul 31, 2007 22:59:33 GMT -5
A word from Sasha: hello!! This is my first Original writing. I’m kinda new to all this stuff. But I am learning more and more. :] This is pretty much a letter. Not literally, but like a mental letter I wrote to myself during Christology class (don’t ask, haha) and I thought I would turn it into an Original piece! Good idea, yes? Haha.
So…that is pretty much all I have to say. Thanks for reading/reviewing!
Start!
Why? Why? Why does it always cry? Nobody can hear my cries for help. They seem to ignore it when all I ask for is help. Is it too much to ask?
I know we haven’t spoken in awhile, but please, just hear me out. Even if I have to beg you, just please listen to what I have to say. Please stay another day with me; I know it’s awkward, but I still think that there is a chance. So many things left unsaid, unsaid things that probably don’t matter to you now, but I just wanted you to know. You probably won’t read this ever, but like I said before, please listen. You probably never cared about our “friendship” but I still do. It hurts me every day wondering if I’ll ever talk to you again.
I feel torn and guilty.
I feel like I have done something horrible to you. I remember when we had our conversations, they would be so delightful and enjoyable and there were times when they were down, but we would always think of something. I miss those days. I still have mini flashbacks in my dreams and wonder if I’ll ever have that feeling again. Crystal clear.
You were like the sister I never had, always concerned when something happened, asking me about interesting things, helping me get through everything I was feeling. From when I was forced to that hellhole my parents call a “high school” to when Hunter broke up with me and I was completely distraught and despondent. You probably don’t care about this anymore, but I still do. Your words of wisdom helped me get through it all.
I wait for something to happen and it doesn’t seem to work. Your absence has gone through me like a needle through thread; in and out; out and it; day in and day out; week after week; month after month; and sometimes what I fear a year. You probably don’t care about it all, but I still do. I need someone to talk to when I get lonely. Someone who shares what I go through.
I know you didn’t mean it. Give me another chance, please. Let me show you that I am no longer that stupid, whiny little EMO kid. I have changed and I want to show you everything I learned from making such a mistake like that.
Please.
Let me show you that I care about everything and everyone and I don’t blame the world.
Please.
Let me fix everything that I fucked up and make it brighter for you.
Please.
Give me the chance and I can show you that I’m not the Cranky McBitchbitch that I was toward you or anyone for no reason at all. I know you were just trying to help me.
Please.
Let me show you everything from a different perspective and I won’t bring up horrible memories.
Please.
Let us make a vow in which we will never have something like this ever again.
Please.
I want to be a friend. Not an acquaintance, not an enemy or anything like that. A friend.
Please.
I want to show you that I don’t blow up anymore for no reason at all and blame it on anymore. I realized that I wasn’t well—mentally.
Please.
I want you to know that I’m not mad at the littlest reasons.
Please.
I want to show you that I’m easy-going and carefree now, more than I’ll ever be—EVER.
Please.
That’s all I ask. All that I listed above and more that I think about everyday.
Remember the time you made a promise to never leave me alone in the dark? I can’t see. I am wandering around looking to see if you will be by my side and the rest of the darkness is slowly starting to consume me. Remember? It probably doesn’t matter to you, but I want you to know that I still care about that. You are probably one of the first people that I actually clicked with. We have a lot in common. To be honest, I never did want to them to stop. Now that I have no one to talk to, I feel cold and lonely.
Night after night, I wake up shaking because my world is breaking, night after night I cry because I feel like I did something wrong. I never wanted something like this to happen. I never thought something like this would ever happen. Ever. I always thought we would have each other no matter what. And if something like this happened, we would find a way to get in contact. Sometimes I envy those who get to talk to you everyday, they have a good friend like you to talk with. I wish that’s how it would be for us. What if this happened to one of your other closer friends? Would you find a way to get in contact with them? You would probably find all ways possible to get back into contact with them. You probably don’t care about the turnout of our friendship. I still do. I’m trying to show and tell you that.
Please.
All I ask for is a response.
Please.
I’m sorry for making you feel this way about me. I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t well, and I didn’t know how to handle situations at the time.
I’m sorry for being such a burden every time I talked to you and yelled at you for no reason at all. I didn’t realize how horrible my condition was.
I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you when I did yell at you. I’d kick myself for what I would say to you. I’d kick myself for what I said; I wish I could take it all back, too. I didn’t mean any harm. I would always wonder how you would be feeling the next day. Happy to talk to me or day by day wish we never exchanged words in the first place.
I’m sorry for everything, even if it means saying that I exist.
And I mean it this time.
I didn’t realize how I made people feel shitty when my disorder got out of hand. I could go on and on; say a million apologies and/or pardons but no matter how many I say, it will never be enough, right? It will never recover everything that is broken and I am deeply sorry. I want to repair it. I never thought that the time and the distance between us made everything so much colder.
I know you will probably never get this, that is why I wrote this in advance. Nobody will know that I wrote this. I kept this in a special place. I know you know. But I know you forgot.
END.
A word from Sasha: Wow. Can I say that this is the worst piece of EMO shit ever? Haha, I know, it sucks. That is why I am no longer EMO anymore. :] I gave up on that stuff long ago and I am probably 2840385 happier. :] I’m sorry this sucked so bad. Seriously. I need to get a bigger vocabulary. And a better writing style.
Thanks for reading! Reviews make me extra happy! :]
-Sasha
So…that is pretty much all I have to say. Thanks for reading/reviewing!
Start!
Why? Why? Why does it always cry? Nobody can hear my cries for help. They seem to ignore it when all I ask for is help. Is it too much to ask?
I know we haven’t spoken in awhile, but please, just hear me out. Even if I have to beg you, just please listen to what I have to say. Please stay another day with me; I know it’s awkward, but I still think that there is a chance. So many things left unsaid, unsaid things that probably don’t matter to you now, but I just wanted you to know. You probably won’t read this ever, but like I said before, please listen. You probably never cared about our “friendship” but I still do. It hurts me every day wondering if I’ll ever talk to you again.
I feel torn and guilty.
I feel like I have done something horrible to you. I remember when we had our conversations, they would be so delightful and enjoyable and there were times when they were down, but we would always think of something. I miss those days. I still have mini flashbacks in my dreams and wonder if I’ll ever have that feeling again. Crystal clear.
You were like the sister I never had, always concerned when something happened, asking me about interesting things, helping me get through everything I was feeling. From when I was forced to that hellhole my parents call a “high school” to when Hunter broke up with me and I was completely distraught and despondent. You probably don’t care about this anymore, but I still do. Your words of wisdom helped me get through it all.
I wait for something to happen and it doesn’t seem to work. Your absence has gone through me like a needle through thread; in and out; out and it; day in and day out; week after week; month after month; and sometimes what I fear a year. You probably don’t care about it all, but I still do. I need someone to talk to when I get lonely. Someone who shares what I go through.
I know you didn’t mean it. Give me another chance, please. Let me show you that I am no longer that stupid, whiny little EMO kid. I have changed and I want to show you everything I learned from making such a mistake like that.
Please.
Let me show you that I care about everything and everyone and I don’t blame the world.
Please.
Let me fix everything that I fucked up and make it brighter for you.
Please.
Give me the chance and I can show you that I’m not the Cranky McBitchbitch that I was toward you or anyone for no reason at all. I know you were just trying to help me.
Please.
Let me show you everything from a different perspective and I won’t bring up horrible memories.
Please.
Let us make a vow in which we will never have something like this ever again.
Please.
I want to be a friend. Not an acquaintance, not an enemy or anything like that. A friend.
Please.
I want to show you that I don’t blow up anymore for no reason at all and blame it on anymore. I realized that I wasn’t well—mentally.
Please.
I want you to know that I’m not mad at the littlest reasons.
Please.
I want to show you that I’m easy-going and carefree now, more than I’ll ever be—EVER.
Please.
That’s all I ask. All that I listed above and more that I think about everyday.
Remember the time you made a promise to never leave me alone in the dark? I can’t see. I am wandering around looking to see if you will be by my side and the rest of the darkness is slowly starting to consume me. Remember? It probably doesn’t matter to you, but I want you to know that I still care about that. You are probably one of the first people that I actually clicked with. We have a lot in common. To be honest, I never did want to them to stop. Now that I have no one to talk to, I feel cold and lonely.
Night after night, I wake up shaking because my world is breaking, night after night I cry because I feel like I did something wrong. I never wanted something like this to happen. I never thought something like this would ever happen. Ever. I always thought we would have each other no matter what. And if something like this happened, we would find a way to get in contact. Sometimes I envy those who get to talk to you everyday, they have a good friend like you to talk with. I wish that’s how it would be for us. What if this happened to one of your other closer friends? Would you find a way to get in contact with them? You would probably find all ways possible to get back into contact with them. You probably don’t care about the turnout of our friendship. I still do. I’m trying to show and tell you that.
Please.
All I ask for is a response.
Please.
I’m sorry for making you feel this way about me. I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t well, and I didn’t know how to handle situations at the time.
I’m sorry for being such a burden every time I talked to you and yelled at you for no reason at all. I didn’t realize how horrible my condition was.
I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you when I did yell at you. I’d kick myself for what I would say to you. I’d kick myself for what I said; I wish I could take it all back, too. I didn’t mean any harm. I would always wonder how you would be feeling the next day. Happy to talk to me or day by day wish we never exchanged words in the first place.
I’m sorry for everything, even if it means saying that I exist.
And I mean it this time.
I didn’t realize how I made people feel shitty when my disorder got out of hand. I could go on and on; say a million apologies and/or pardons but no matter how many I say, it will never be enough, right? It will never recover everything that is broken and I am deeply sorry. I want to repair it. I never thought that the time and the distance between us made everything so much colder.
I know you will probably never get this, that is why I wrote this in advance. Nobody will know that I wrote this. I kept this in a special place. I know you know. But I know you forgot.
END.
A word from Sasha: Wow. Can I say that this is the worst piece of EMO shit ever? Haha, I know, it sucks. That is why I am no longer EMO anymore. :] I gave up on that stuff long ago and I am probably 2840385 happier. :] I’m sorry this sucked so bad. Seriously. I need to get a bigger vocabulary. And a better writing style.
Thanks for reading! Reviews make me extra happy! :]
-Sasha