Post by Rockinmuffin on Sept 24, 2006 20:55:53 GMT -5
This chapter is a lot less random than the first one, but hopefully I’ll be able to fix that next time. Still, the end is a bit more random. ^__^ And just to warn ya, I suck at fighting scenes. So, even though the beginning stinks, hopefully it’ll be worth it.
Oh! And you get introduced to a couple Akatsuki members on this page! I mean, you can’t have an evil villain story without meeting the Akatsuki! If you can guess who they are you get a free virtual cookie! xD And at the end you’ll get to choose your gender. :3
Page 2
You continued running, not stopping even once you were outside of the village and within the forest, and silently praised yourself for hatching yet another brilliant plan. True, perhaps it hadn’t been your most evil and/or thought-out plan, but it did its job nonetheless. Luckily for you, not only did the Konoha ninjas appear to be imbeciles but it seemed that their enemies also decided to pop up at the most inconvenient of times. (Well, for them at least.)
Like now, for instance.
You just barely managed to jump out of the way as a large blade wrapped in bandages made contact with the spot you were standing only seconds before, leaving a large indent in the ground where it hit. You scowled at the man wielding the large sword, discreetly giving him the finger though he didn’t seem to notice; he was too busy looking at you with a shit-eating grin.
You observed the strange man, carefully taking note of his sharp pointed teeth, bluish gray skin, the gills on the side of his face, the wild tufts of dark blue hair that stuck out dangerously, the glowing white eyes with tiny black pupils, his tall stature, his purple nail polish, the strange ring on his finger, and last but not least the black cloak with the red clouds he was wearing.
Now, being a criminal yourself, you were easily able to identify him as a member from the infamous group of S-class missing nins known widely as the Akatsuki. You inwardly swooned at the thought of being in such close proximity with an actual member. You vaguely considered asking the blue man for his autograph but decided against it. After all, you wanted to make a good impression on the Akatsuki and you didn’t want him to think you were some kind of criminal noob.
You brought yourself out of your thoughts just in time to dodge another swing from the man’s huge sword; this time it connected with a tree and nearly split it in two.
The man pulled back his blade, grinning widely at you and showing off his sharp teeth. “You’re faster than I thought” he stated. You acknowledged the compliment with a quick nod of your head and a smug expression gracing your features. His smile widened even more if that was humanly possible. Then again, the man before you didn’t exactly look human... “This’ll be fun.”
Your eyes widened to the size of saucers when the man with the blue skin lashed out at you again. You once again jumped out of the way, landing on a nearby tree branch. You crossed your arms, glaring down at him. Akatsuki member or not, that was no excuse to be an ass.
“Ya know,” you started, “I have better things to do than stick around and spar with the likes of you.”
The man growled at you as he swung his giant blade towards you. You jumped, dodging it, and landing in a tree branch that had been across from you. You brushed off your cloak, smoothing out the wrinkles, then glowered at the man below you. You were starting to lose your patience.
“Now what did I just tell you? Quit messing around. I have places to go, people to see.”
Well, apparently the shark-like man had some coral or seaweed shoved up both of his ears or something like that because he ignored what you said and simply swung his sword at you again. Once again you were forced to jump from your current branch to another to avoid from getting sliced up.
Now you were starting to get pissed off.
You pounced down from your tree branch and landed in front of your attacker, glaring at him as you cracked your knuckles. Your anger only increased as you noticed that your actions did nothing more than amuse him. You carefully reached inside your cloak and pulled out a pair of kunai, one for each hand, and pointed them towards him threateningly. The man just chuckled in response, causing your right eye to twitch in irritation.
“All right, you asked for it!” you called out as you rushed towards him with speed so great that even you were surprised by it. You were only a foot away from him and prepared to stab the man with your kunai, possibly even slit his throat if you got the chance, when you felt a sharp pain in your shoulder. You instantly stopped your attack and directed your attention towards your throbbing shoulder blade. You stared in surprised awe at the rip in your cloak’s material where there was a huge, bleeding gash in your shoulder, then directed your attention towards the source of your flesh wound; the blue man’s giant blade. Unlike any other blade, it had several sharp points all over it, though you couldn’t see before due to the bandage wrappings covering it.
This blade didn’t slice; it shaved!
And it just shaved the skin on your friggin’ shoulder blade like some kind of giant cheese grater!
You finally got over your initial shock and gripped your wound in pain. “Son of a bitch!” you growled as you grit your teeth to keep yourself from screaming out in agony. Now, you were no stranger when it came to pain; it was part of the job description; but even you could admit that getting several layers of your skin shaved off stung like hell.
The man started to walk towards you; you tried to back away but found it was hard to focus on anything except the pain in your shoulder. (Dang, he must’ve gotten you good! ) He stopped only once he was a foot away from you. You slowly lifted your head up, staring straight into his small, fish-like eyes, wondering what he would do next. Would he kill you, or would he just beat you into a bloody pulp, possibly even rape you, and leave you in the forest for dead?
Both options sound oh-so inviting, don’t they?
The man pointed his blade towards you and you internally gulped. Well, it looks like this is the end for you; he’d kill you now and you’d never be able to fulfill your dream and become the ultimate ruler of the world. You just weren’t strong enough. You shut your eyes and awaited your fate.
You flinched as you felt a light tap on your head. Slowly, you opened your eyes and saw that the man had tapped you lightly on your skull with his sword. You were about to ask what he was doing when you were hit with a sudden spell of nausea. You found it difficult to stand up straight as the world around you started to spin wildly. Forgetting your shoulder, you held your head in hopes that it would ease your dizziness. You felt sick, helpless… and weak.
You hated that feeling.
You glared up at the man, growling as you noticed the amused grin that had sneaked its way over his features. “What… what did you do to me…?”
His sharp-toothed grin somehow managed to grow even wider. “Now, now, don’t tell me you’re afraid?” he drawled off. You rolled your eyes at this, then stopped when you found that the action only made you dizzier. “Not to worry, all I did was drain your chakra. Your senses should be back to normal in a couple minutes.” The man planted his sword on the ground and leaned against it casually.
You came to the conclusion that the man was no longer a threat for the time being and plopped down on the ground, closing your eyes and massaging your scalp.
“Ya know,” the man started, causing you to open a single eye and stare at him, “You’re not too shabby. All you really did was jump around like an amateur but you actually got me to work up a sweat.” You didn’t know whether to feel angry or flattered. “Let me know if ya ever want to spar again.”
You huffed, opening both of your eyes and looking up at him with your arms crossed. Luckily for you, the effects of the chakra drain finally wore off and you could see straight again. “I didn’t want to spar in the first place. You wouldn’t leave me alone.”
The man shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “I wanted to fight, and you were the only one around” he stated simply, as if that was enough justification for his actions. Your glare increased and the man laughed at your reaction. “Now, now, no hard feelings. Let me make it up to you. I’ll treat you to drinks at the nearest tavern. After all, I could use a drinking buddy.”
“…I hate drinking.”
The man ignored you and grabbed your uninjured shoulder pulling you towards some unknown destination. “It’ll be great! We’ll both drink until we’re shit-faced and then we’ll drink some more!”
You glared daggers at the hand on your shoulder. “Don’t touch me with your dirty filth-hands. Nothing gives you that right.”
And so, after your newfound friend bandaged up your wound, you and the blue man skipped happily away to the land of drunken morons, shady characters, and dirty bathrooms.
~One Hour Later~
You did your best to restrain yourself from killing your blue-skinned companion in the slowest, most painful way that was humanly possible as he laughed obnoxiously at one of his own jokes that hadn’t even been all that funny to begin with. The man was already on his fourth beer and though he wasn’t completely intoxicated you could easily tell that the drinks were beginning to affect his behavior.
You, on the other hand, hadn’t even touched your drink. You’d never had a taste for the bitter liquid. In fact, you would’ve been long gone by now if your companion for the evening hadn’t drained you of all your chakra. Every time you tried to sneak away he would catch you, take another chug of his drink, mutter something odd about the birds and the bees, then set you back on your stool to seethe in your own anger.
As the man ordered his fifth drink you decided that was enough.
“Dude, I think you’ve had enough beer. You’ve been drinking like a fish.”
The man’s eyelid twitched as he slowly turned towards you. “Fish? Didja’ jus’ call me a fish?!” he slurred out while pointing an accusatory finger at you.
“No, I just said that-”
“I’m not a fiiissssh!” he interjected with a pout, slamming his mug against the counter for emphasis. “I’m a shark! A shark, dammit! I’m king of the freaking jungle and still people have the nerve to call me a fish!”
You stared at him oddly. “…Lions are the kings of the jungle, not sharks. Sharks live in the sea, not the jungle.”
Once again, your companion ignored you. “Those dolphins think they’re so damn great just cuz they can get a punch in the nose every once in a while, BUT THEY’RE NOT! THEY’RE PANSIES! Dolphins are the true chickens of the jungle!”
“Chickens of the sea” you corrected.
The blue man stared at you oddly. “Tuna fish?”
You sighed, slapping your forehead in irritation. “Never mind. Just remind me to slit my throat before ever going out drinking with you again. You’re a weird drunk.”
“Yeah, well, at least I actually drink. You haven’t even tasted your drink yet. What are ya? Some kinda’ no-beer-queer? Can’t handle your liquor, eh?”
You glared at him. “No, I just don’t care for beer. It’s a bitter drink and it’s the lowest form of all alcoholic beverages. It’s below me. The beer should be honored that I even allow it to exist in my awesomely powerful presence.”
The blue man took another sip of his drink, looking at you through the corners of his eyes. He set the mug back down, belched rather loudly, then wiped his chin with his cloak sleeve before turning back towards you. “I betcha’ that you’re a lightweight. You probably couldn’t even drink one beer before passin’ out.”
Your eyelid twitched. “Oh really?” Not being the kind to back down from a challenge, no matter how stupid it may be, you held up your beer mug to your face, observing it tentatively. Its appearance certainly didn’t do much to whet your thirst, but you couldn’t back down now. You had to prove how cool you were to a complete stranger and that was much more important then your morals and values. You held the mug to your lips, preparing to gulp it all down.
“Remember kids,” the shark-man started, wagging his finger as he spoke, “Don’t give in to peer pressure. Alcohol kills brain cells. Only you can keep yourself drug-free.”
You lowered the mug from your lips for only a second. “Are you talking the wall?”
The man smiled at you. “…Yeeeeeessssss.”
You stared at him for a moment, then shook your head and directed your attention back towards the drink in your hands. You took in a deep breath, bracing yourself, then quickly poured the bitter liquid down your throat and chugged it all. You scrunched your face up at the aftertaste left behind by the drink, but your companion didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy cheering you on with hoots of excitement. He called the bartender over and before you knew it, another brew-filled mug was placed in front of you.
You stared at the mug, then at the shark-like man that was urging you to chug it, then back at the mug. You shrugged your shoulders, picked up the second mug, and downed it all in one gulp. After all, what was the worst that could happen?
~Fifteen Minutes Later~
As Itachi Uchiha entered the old tavern to collect his partner, he was met by a sight that would forever haunt his mind. He stared at the scene impassively, his facial expressions staying blank and emotionless as it betrayed his inner thoughts of confusion, terror, and a slight tinge of arousal. Or perhaps it was just gas? He didn’t particularly care either way.
Itachi continued to stare at the scene before him; Kisame, his blue and shark-like partner in crime, was swinging back and forth on his feet in a drunken manner as he slowly started shrugging off his cloak. He removed the bothersome article of clothing from his body then wildly swung it over his head as he performed a series of pelvic thrusts in midair that were directed towards a group of young women sitting in the back of the bar.
Just barely resisting the urge to throw up and/or join his partner-in-crime, Itachi turned his head away from the disturbing image only to see a figure dressed in a large cloak (that’s you!) and swinging a beer mug around drunkenly while cheering Kisame on, urging him to shed more articles of clothing. (Boy or girl, you’re too drunk to know what you’re saying.)
You were in too much of a drunken stupor to take notice of the young man in the Akatsuki cloak that was sending you odd glances, nor did you notice the fact that the bartender was cowering in fear behind his counter to escape from giving you any more drinks. Within fifteen minutes you had already consumed as much alcohol as your blue-skinned companion and, seeing as how you were only about half the size of the gargantuan shark-man and it was your first time drinking, you were completely wasted.
And you were an even weirder drunk than Kisame.
“Go fishy-man, GOOOOOOOO! Shake that thang and show da ladies what they’re missin’ out on!” you cheered, taking another sip of your beer. You were surprised at how easily the drink had grown on you, but pushed that thought to the back of your mind in favor of watching your self-proclaimed drinking buddy make an ass out of himself.
Itachi turned his attention away from you and back towards Kisame just as the shark-man was about to remove his pants. “Kisame-san, that’s quite enough” he stated calmly, though this time he failed to resist the urge to twitch.
Kisame instantly stopped in his tracks. He turned towards the sound of the voice and gulped when he saw Itachi glaring at him. “Ah, Itachi-san! Wha’chu doin’ here?” he slurred as he hastily pulled his pants back up around his waist.
Itachi’s glare hardened. “You were supposed to be back at the campsite an hour ago. I should’ve known you’d be here…”
“Fishy-boy!” you shouted as you jumped on Kisame’s back, causing the larger man to jump slightly in surprise. “Is this your girlfriend or something?” you asked as you stared at the other cloaked figure, tilting your head and quirking an eyebrow.
Kisame sighed, exasperated. “Dammit! I already told ya; I’m a shark! Now get offa’ me!” Kisame tried to reach behind him and pry you off his back, but as soon as his hands were close enough you clamped your jaw shut…
…Right on his poor fingers.
Kisame yelled several profanities under his breath while you quickly released his fingers and jumped off his back, spitting out on the ground and wiping off your chin. “Blech! Fishy-boy, you taste like bad sushi!”
As Kisame pounced on top of you, starting a pointless battle involving noogies, wet willies, and purple nurples, Itachi closed his eyes and sighed to himself, trying to calm his nerves. Itachi decided to do as his therapist suggested and slowly count to ten. When he was finished counting and still feeling rather homicidal, he settled for simply glaring at the spot where you and Kisame were fighting and thinking up several ways to brutally maim the both of you. …With a pineapple, a piece of sting, and an electric cheese grater.
Fun!
The Uchiha’s bloody fantasies were interrupted by your evil cackle of victory. Itachi turned towards you to see you holding a barstool over your head and Kisame sprawled out on the floor by your feet suffering from a mild concussion.
Itachi stared at you, his only change in expression was a slightly raised eyebrow as he briefly wondered how you had possessed enough strength to take down his partner whom had an inhuman strength.
Meanwhile, you were poking and prodding Kisame’s prostate body with the stick that you had found in a plot-hole from the previous chapter, despite the fact that you had thrown it at Sasuke’s head so you shouldn’t even still have it…. Growing bored from hearing the shark-man’s groans of protest, you stuck the stick up his nose, then turned away from him in favor of finding something more entertaining to do.
You ignored the stares coming from Kisame’s girlfriend, or whatever he/she/it was to him, and decided to do something that was spontaneous, reckless, indecent, and completely random all in one! A perfect combination!
“STREAKING PARTY!”
The eyes of everyone in the tavern were on you as you removed your cloak from your body, allowing the material to pool on the ground neatly by your feet. The eyes widened as your shirt and pants soon followed.
If you’re a girl, streak on over to Page 3
If you’re a boy, streak on over to Page 4
Oh! And you get introduced to a couple Akatsuki members on this page! I mean, you can’t have an evil villain story without meeting the Akatsuki! If you can guess who they are you get a free virtual cookie! xD And at the end you’ll get to choose your gender. :3
Page 2
You continued running, not stopping even once you were outside of the village and within the forest, and silently praised yourself for hatching yet another brilliant plan. True, perhaps it hadn’t been your most evil and/or thought-out plan, but it did its job nonetheless. Luckily for you, not only did the Konoha ninjas appear to be imbeciles but it seemed that their enemies also decided to pop up at the most inconvenient of times. (Well, for them at least.)
Like now, for instance.
You just barely managed to jump out of the way as a large blade wrapped in bandages made contact with the spot you were standing only seconds before, leaving a large indent in the ground where it hit. You scowled at the man wielding the large sword, discreetly giving him the finger though he didn’t seem to notice; he was too busy looking at you with a shit-eating grin.
You observed the strange man, carefully taking note of his sharp pointed teeth, bluish gray skin, the gills on the side of his face, the wild tufts of dark blue hair that stuck out dangerously, the glowing white eyes with tiny black pupils, his tall stature, his purple nail polish, the strange ring on his finger, and last but not least the black cloak with the red clouds he was wearing.
Now, being a criminal yourself, you were easily able to identify him as a member from the infamous group of S-class missing nins known widely as the Akatsuki. You inwardly swooned at the thought of being in such close proximity with an actual member. You vaguely considered asking the blue man for his autograph but decided against it. After all, you wanted to make a good impression on the Akatsuki and you didn’t want him to think you were some kind of criminal noob.
You brought yourself out of your thoughts just in time to dodge another swing from the man’s huge sword; this time it connected with a tree and nearly split it in two.
The man pulled back his blade, grinning widely at you and showing off his sharp teeth. “You’re faster than I thought” he stated. You acknowledged the compliment with a quick nod of your head and a smug expression gracing your features. His smile widened even more if that was humanly possible. Then again, the man before you didn’t exactly look human... “This’ll be fun.”
Your eyes widened to the size of saucers when the man with the blue skin lashed out at you again. You once again jumped out of the way, landing on a nearby tree branch. You crossed your arms, glaring down at him. Akatsuki member or not, that was no excuse to be an ass.
“Ya know,” you started, “I have better things to do than stick around and spar with the likes of you.”
The man growled at you as he swung his giant blade towards you. You jumped, dodging it, and landing in a tree branch that had been across from you. You brushed off your cloak, smoothing out the wrinkles, then glowered at the man below you. You were starting to lose your patience.
“Now what did I just tell you? Quit messing around. I have places to go, people to see.”
Well, apparently the shark-like man had some coral or seaweed shoved up both of his ears or something like that because he ignored what you said and simply swung his sword at you again. Once again you were forced to jump from your current branch to another to avoid from getting sliced up.
Now you were starting to get pissed off.
You pounced down from your tree branch and landed in front of your attacker, glaring at him as you cracked your knuckles. Your anger only increased as you noticed that your actions did nothing more than amuse him. You carefully reached inside your cloak and pulled out a pair of kunai, one for each hand, and pointed them towards him threateningly. The man just chuckled in response, causing your right eye to twitch in irritation.
“All right, you asked for it!” you called out as you rushed towards him with speed so great that even you were surprised by it. You were only a foot away from him and prepared to stab the man with your kunai, possibly even slit his throat if you got the chance, when you felt a sharp pain in your shoulder. You instantly stopped your attack and directed your attention towards your throbbing shoulder blade. You stared in surprised awe at the rip in your cloak’s material where there was a huge, bleeding gash in your shoulder, then directed your attention towards the source of your flesh wound; the blue man’s giant blade. Unlike any other blade, it had several sharp points all over it, though you couldn’t see before due to the bandage wrappings covering it.
This blade didn’t slice; it shaved!
And it just shaved the skin on your friggin’ shoulder blade like some kind of giant cheese grater!
You finally got over your initial shock and gripped your wound in pain. “Son of a bitch!” you growled as you grit your teeth to keep yourself from screaming out in agony. Now, you were no stranger when it came to pain; it was part of the job description; but even you could admit that getting several layers of your skin shaved off stung like hell.
The man started to walk towards you; you tried to back away but found it was hard to focus on anything except the pain in your shoulder. (Dang, he must’ve gotten you good! ) He stopped only once he was a foot away from you. You slowly lifted your head up, staring straight into his small, fish-like eyes, wondering what he would do next. Would he kill you, or would he just beat you into a bloody pulp, possibly even rape you, and leave you in the forest for dead?
Both options sound oh-so inviting, don’t they?
The man pointed his blade towards you and you internally gulped. Well, it looks like this is the end for you; he’d kill you now and you’d never be able to fulfill your dream and become the ultimate ruler of the world. You just weren’t strong enough. You shut your eyes and awaited your fate.
You flinched as you felt a light tap on your head. Slowly, you opened your eyes and saw that the man had tapped you lightly on your skull with his sword. You were about to ask what he was doing when you were hit with a sudden spell of nausea. You found it difficult to stand up straight as the world around you started to spin wildly. Forgetting your shoulder, you held your head in hopes that it would ease your dizziness. You felt sick, helpless… and weak.
You hated that feeling.
You glared up at the man, growling as you noticed the amused grin that had sneaked its way over his features. “What… what did you do to me…?”
His sharp-toothed grin somehow managed to grow even wider. “Now, now, don’t tell me you’re afraid?” he drawled off. You rolled your eyes at this, then stopped when you found that the action only made you dizzier. “Not to worry, all I did was drain your chakra. Your senses should be back to normal in a couple minutes.” The man planted his sword on the ground and leaned against it casually.
You came to the conclusion that the man was no longer a threat for the time being and plopped down on the ground, closing your eyes and massaging your scalp.
“Ya know,” the man started, causing you to open a single eye and stare at him, “You’re not too shabby. All you really did was jump around like an amateur but you actually got me to work up a sweat.” You didn’t know whether to feel angry or flattered. “Let me know if ya ever want to spar again.”
You huffed, opening both of your eyes and looking up at him with your arms crossed. Luckily for you, the effects of the chakra drain finally wore off and you could see straight again. “I didn’t want to spar in the first place. You wouldn’t leave me alone.”
The man shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “I wanted to fight, and you were the only one around” he stated simply, as if that was enough justification for his actions. Your glare increased and the man laughed at your reaction. “Now, now, no hard feelings. Let me make it up to you. I’ll treat you to drinks at the nearest tavern. After all, I could use a drinking buddy.”
“…I hate drinking.”
The man ignored you and grabbed your uninjured shoulder pulling you towards some unknown destination. “It’ll be great! We’ll both drink until we’re shit-faced and then we’ll drink some more!”
You glared daggers at the hand on your shoulder. “Don’t touch me with your dirty filth-hands. Nothing gives you that right.”
And so, after your newfound friend bandaged up your wound, you and the blue man skipped happily away to the land of drunken morons, shady characters, and dirty bathrooms.
~One Hour Later~
You did your best to restrain yourself from killing your blue-skinned companion in the slowest, most painful way that was humanly possible as he laughed obnoxiously at one of his own jokes that hadn’t even been all that funny to begin with. The man was already on his fourth beer and though he wasn’t completely intoxicated you could easily tell that the drinks were beginning to affect his behavior.
You, on the other hand, hadn’t even touched your drink. You’d never had a taste for the bitter liquid. In fact, you would’ve been long gone by now if your companion for the evening hadn’t drained you of all your chakra. Every time you tried to sneak away he would catch you, take another chug of his drink, mutter something odd about the birds and the bees, then set you back on your stool to seethe in your own anger.
As the man ordered his fifth drink you decided that was enough.
“Dude, I think you’ve had enough beer. You’ve been drinking like a fish.”
The man’s eyelid twitched as he slowly turned towards you. “Fish? Didja’ jus’ call me a fish?!” he slurred out while pointing an accusatory finger at you.
“No, I just said that-”
“I’m not a fiiissssh!” he interjected with a pout, slamming his mug against the counter for emphasis. “I’m a shark! A shark, dammit! I’m king of the freaking jungle and still people have the nerve to call me a fish!”
You stared at him oddly. “…Lions are the kings of the jungle, not sharks. Sharks live in the sea, not the jungle.”
Once again, your companion ignored you. “Those dolphins think they’re so damn great just cuz they can get a punch in the nose every once in a while, BUT THEY’RE NOT! THEY’RE PANSIES! Dolphins are the true chickens of the jungle!”
“Chickens of the sea” you corrected.
The blue man stared at you oddly. “Tuna fish?”
You sighed, slapping your forehead in irritation. “Never mind. Just remind me to slit my throat before ever going out drinking with you again. You’re a weird drunk.”
“Yeah, well, at least I actually drink. You haven’t even tasted your drink yet. What are ya? Some kinda’ no-beer-queer? Can’t handle your liquor, eh?”
You glared at him. “No, I just don’t care for beer. It’s a bitter drink and it’s the lowest form of all alcoholic beverages. It’s below me. The beer should be honored that I even allow it to exist in my awesomely powerful presence.”
The blue man took another sip of his drink, looking at you through the corners of his eyes. He set the mug back down, belched rather loudly, then wiped his chin with his cloak sleeve before turning back towards you. “I betcha’ that you’re a lightweight. You probably couldn’t even drink one beer before passin’ out.”
Your eyelid twitched. “Oh really?” Not being the kind to back down from a challenge, no matter how stupid it may be, you held up your beer mug to your face, observing it tentatively. Its appearance certainly didn’t do much to whet your thirst, but you couldn’t back down now. You had to prove how cool you were to a complete stranger and that was much more important then your morals and values. You held the mug to your lips, preparing to gulp it all down.
“Remember kids,” the shark-man started, wagging his finger as he spoke, “Don’t give in to peer pressure. Alcohol kills brain cells. Only you can keep yourself drug-free.”
You lowered the mug from your lips for only a second. “Are you talking the wall?”
The man smiled at you. “…Yeeeeeessssss.”
You stared at him for a moment, then shook your head and directed your attention back towards the drink in your hands. You took in a deep breath, bracing yourself, then quickly poured the bitter liquid down your throat and chugged it all. You scrunched your face up at the aftertaste left behind by the drink, but your companion didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy cheering you on with hoots of excitement. He called the bartender over and before you knew it, another brew-filled mug was placed in front of you.
You stared at the mug, then at the shark-like man that was urging you to chug it, then back at the mug. You shrugged your shoulders, picked up the second mug, and downed it all in one gulp. After all, what was the worst that could happen?
~Fifteen Minutes Later~
As Itachi Uchiha entered the old tavern to collect his partner, he was met by a sight that would forever haunt his mind. He stared at the scene impassively, his facial expressions staying blank and emotionless as it betrayed his inner thoughts of confusion, terror, and a slight tinge of arousal. Or perhaps it was just gas? He didn’t particularly care either way.
Itachi continued to stare at the scene before him; Kisame, his blue and shark-like partner in crime, was swinging back and forth on his feet in a drunken manner as he slowly started shrugging off his cloak. He removed the bothersome article of clothing from his body then wildly swung it over his head as he performed a series of pelvic thrusts in midair that were directed towards a group of young women sitting in the back of the bar.
Just barely resisting the urge to throw up and/or join his partner-in-crime, Itachi turned his head away from the disturbing image only to see a figure dressed in a large cloak (that’s you!) and swinging a beer mug around drunkenly while cheering Kisame on, urging him to shed more articles of clothing. (Boy or girl, you’re too drunk to know what you’re saying.)
You were in too much of a drunken stupor to take notice of the young man in the Akatsuki cloak that was sending you odd glances, nor did you notice the fact that the bartender was cowering in fear behind his counter to escape from giving you any more drinks. Within fifteen minutes you had already consumed as much alcohol as your blue-skinned companion and, seeing as how you were only about half the size of the gargantuan shark-man and it was your first time drinking, you were completely wasted.
And you were an even weirder drunk than Kisame.
“Go fishy-man, GOOOOOOOO! Shake that thang and show da ladies what they’re missin’ out on!” you cheered, taking another sip of your beer. You were surprised at how easily the drink had grown on you, but pushed that thought to the back of your mind in favor of watching your self-proclaimed drinking buddy make an ass out of himself.
Itachi turned his attention away from you and back towards Kisame just as the shark-man was about to remove his pants. “Kisame-san, that’s quite enough” he stated calmly, though this time he failed to resist the urge to twitch.
Kisame instantly stopped in his tracks. He turned towards the sound of the voice and gulped when he saw Itachi glaring at him. “Ah, Itachi-san! Wha’chu doin’ here?” he slurred as he hastily pulled his pants back up around his waist.
Itachi’s glare hardened. “You were supposed to be back at the campsite an hour ago. I should’ve known you’d be here…”
“Fishy-boy!” you shouted as you jumped on Kisame’s back, causing the larger man to jump slightly in surprise. “Is this your girlfriend or something?” you asked as you stared at the other cloaked figure, tilting your head and quirking an eyebrow.
Kisame sighed, exasperated. “Dammit! I already told ya; I’m a shark! Now get offa’ me!” Kisame tried to reach behind him and pry you off his back, but as soon as his hands were close enough you clamped your jaw shut…
…Right on his poor fingers.
Kisame yelled several profanities under his breath while you quickly released his fingers and jumped off his back, spitting out on the ground and wiping off your chin. “Blech! Fishy-boy, you taste like bad sushi!”
As Kisame pounced on top of you, starting a pointless battle involving noogies, wet willies, and purple nurples, Itachi closed his eyes and sighed to himself, trying to calm his nerves. Itachi decided to do as his therapist suggested and slowly count to ten. When he was finished counting and still feeling rather homicidal, he settled for simply glaring at the spot where you and Kisame were fighting and thinking up several ways to brutally maim the both of you. …With a pineapple, a piece of sting, and an electric cheese grater.
Fun!
The Uchiha’s bloody fantasies were interrupted by your evil cackle of victory. Itachi turned towards you to see you holding a barstool over your head and Kisame sprawled out on the floor by your feet suffering from a mild concussion.
Itachi stared at you, his only change in expression was a slightly raised eyebrow as he briefly wondered how you had possessed enough strength to take down his partner whom had an inhuman strength.
Meanwhile, you were poking and prodding Kisame’s prostate body with the stick that you had found in a plot-hole from the previous chapter, despite the fact that you had thrown it at Sasuke’s head so you shouldn’t even still have it…. Growing bored from hearing the shark-man’s groans of protest, you stuck the stick up his nose, then turned away from him in favor of finding something more entertaining to do.
You ignored the stares coming from Kisame’s girlfriend, or whatever he/she/it was to him, and decided to do something that was spontaneous, reckless, indecent, and completely random all in one! A perfect combination!
“STREAKING PARTY!”
The eyes of everyone in the tavern were on you as you removed your cloak from your body, allowing the material to pool on the ground neatly by your feet. The eyes widened as your shirt and pants soon followed.
If you’re a girl, streak on over to Page 3
If you’re a boy, streak on over to Page 4